Life's Puzzle
by chinocoop81
Summary: Ryan Atwood has made a decision never to get close to another girl after getting his heart broken. When he goes to a local coffee shop though, his decision is questioned. Will he give love a chance? This is a RM story.
1. Chapter 1

-1**A/N This is an idea that popped into my head today. I don't know if I should continue it though. Tell me what you think, R/R, enjoy**

I don't trust people, and I definitely don't trust girls. They make you think that they love you then, bam, they break up with you. I've had that happen to me more than once, and I don't plan on it happening again. I made a decision, I wouldn't let a girl get close to me again. No, not me, Ryan Atwood.

When I made this decision, I had just gotten dumped by a girl named Sadie Cambell, and I didn't want to get that feeling again. I didn't think about getting lonely, or the chance that I might meet someone I might care for. No, my heart ache got the better of me. I didn't plan on meeting her. Marissa Cooper.

What can I tell you about Sadie? She was nice and sweet. I thought I really loved her, and I thought she really loved me too. So I bought her flowers one day, and I was taking them to her dorm when I heard the laughing coming from inside. I pounded on the door and a guy in his boxers answered. So much for a lifetime of happiness huh.

We went to college at Berkley, since it was close to Chino where my parents lived. I had gotten a scholarship and I planned on becoming an architect. She was going to major in fashion and design. I was even going to propose that summer. There goes that plan.

It's been two years since then, and I am over her. I just don't want to be heart broken again. I mean, you may get over someone, but you never forget the pain you went through. So that's when I made my decision. Guys may call me a wimp, but you try getting your heart broken and see a girl the same way afterwards.

So I lost myself in my studies. Yeah, I had my friends, but nothing too special. I went out on a couple of dates, but never got attached. I had a method, you go out on two dates, maybe three. When they start getting attached, you break up before either of you get hurt. What could possibly go wrong in that plan?

One day I was studying in my dorm. My roommate comes in, a girl following. I immediately get that I'm not supposed to be there. I get my textbook. I leave without saying goodbye. He doesn't seem to mind though. If I had a girl, I wouldn't either.

So I walked to the coffee shop, and I brought a puzzle with me. I love puzzles, although I'm not good at them. I guess I like the challenge. I walk in and find a table to sit at. I set my puzzle aside and open my textbook and start studying for my exam coming up. That's when I hear her voice, her sweet voice. "Hello, I'm Marissa, What can I get for you?"

I look up and I'm met with her blue eyes. Beautiful blue eyes. She gives me a smile, and I feel myself become nervous. I don't know what to do. I want to tell her what I want, coffee, but I can't bring myself to say the words. "Uhh…. Coffee ….please." I finally stutter out.

I feel like a complete fool now. I can't even order coffee. She just smiles and walks off and I put my head down on the table. She probably thinks I'm a huge freak. I suddenly remember my decision about girls. I shouldn't care, she's a girl, she'll break my heart like Sadie did.

I sigh. Sometimes, I hate my decision. Sometimes, I want someone special in my life. Sometimes, people need someone special in their life. I wish that I could convince myself that I won't get my heart broken, because I know it will. It always does.

I go back to my textbook, forgetting about Marissa. Then, like a curse, she comes back with my coffee. "Here you go." She says as she sets it down on the table. "Do you need anything else?" She asks.

I look up and meet her eyes again. Her eyes have a twinkle in them and I give a small smile, "No, I'm fine, thanks." I turn back to my textbook, avoiding her gaze and she walks off. I look back up a couple of seconds later, my eyes following her through the shop. She's beautiful, there's no lie in that.

I take a sip of my coffee and sigh. I look down at the book and realize that I'm not going to get anything done right now. I close the book and push it aside. I bring out my puzzle and start working on it. It's supposed to look like a lifeguard station, something I've always wanted to see. I never could though, I've never been to the beach.

I start working on it, but I can't seem to get it right. I can't even find one piece, and after a while, I start to give up. That's when I hear her voice again. "Is there anything else you need?" She asks. I look up and I see her smiling down upon me. I feel the butterflies in my stomach. What is it with this girl?

I can't speak again. I'm too caught up in her beauty. Her hair is pulled back in a pony tail and she's wearing a blue apron over her clothes; a shirt and jeans. She has a smile on her face, and her eyes are twinkling, waiting for my answer. "Uhh, no, I'm fine." I finally respond.

She just nods and walks away. I watch her go, and I think that she knows the effect she has on me. I watch her go and talk to someone else, a young couple. She turns and catches me watching her and I look down, embarrassed. I feel like I'm in high school again, even though that was three years ago.

I go back to my puzzle, suddenly motivated. I work on it for at least an hour. I get the border of it done, and some of the ocean in the back ground. I'm getting fed up with it again, when I hear her sweet voice. "Are you having problems?"

I look up to see her bright eyes staring down at me again. She's not in her apron anymore though, she has that in her hands. "Can I sit down?" She asks. I nod my head, to intrigued by her to speak. She looks down at the puzzle as she sits. "So, what brings you here?"

I look down at my puzzle, still trying to get a piece to show off to her. "School."

She seems interested. "So am I, I just work here between classes sometimes." I nod. I work sometimes too at the movie theater down the street. I'm not going to tell her that though. No, that would make her know where to find me. She must see that I'm not going to respond, so she goes on. "You don't talk a lot, do you?"

I shake my head no in response, still looking down at the puzzle. I avoid any eye contact, knowing that if I look long enough, I'll be lost in her eyes. That doesn't go with my decision though. No, that ruins my plan.

She sighs and looks down at the puzzle herself. I catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eyes though. She's smiling, I can see. She must have caught me watching her because she said. "You're shy, aren't you."

I don't say anything, just shrug. She laughs slightly, and I wonder what's so funny. So I ask, "What's so funny?"

She doesn't say anything for a while, and looks like she's searching for the right words. "You are."

"I am?" I ask, surprised. I'm not funny, not even a little bit.

"Yes, you are." She pauses. "You come in here with your book and puzzle and stutter when you talk to me. Then, you lose yourself in your book and try to avoid me. Then, you decide that a puzzle is what you want to do. So you start working on it, ignoring everyone around you. I ask to sit down, and you say I can, but still ignore me. I try to talk to you, but you just stare down at your puzzle." She laughs slightly. "And you haven't even gotten a piece since I sat down."

I don't find that very funny though. I just look down at my puzzle again. She sighs, obviously wanting me to say something. I don't though, and before long, I feel her hand on mine. I look up, feeling the sparks fly between our hands.

She looks into my eyes and says. "I've always liked puzzles, how about you?"

I look down at the puzzle, not allowing myself to get lost in her gaze. "Yeah, they're a challenge."

She smiles at me and says, "Not really."

I look at her, confused. "Yeah, they are. You never know where the pieces go, and you have to find it out. It's hard though."

She gave me a sly smile. "Puzzles are easy." She gestured to the puzzle in front of me. "You have all the answers right there in front of you…." She put two pieces together. "All you have to do is put it together." She got up, smiling. "See you around, Ryan Atwood."

I watched in awe as she walked out the coffee shop and down the street. Then, I had the weirdest feeling. She could do better than I could at my own puzzle, that I've been working on for a couple of hours. And, I don't remember giving her my name.


	2. Chapter 2

-1**A/n I have another day off of school today because of the ice, so I wrote another post. Thanks for the reviews, R/R, enjoy!**

Have you ever gotten that feeling that something really big is about to happen? That feeling in you stomach, that your life is really about to change? Because that's the feeling I got when I saw Marissa walk away from me that first day. I had a feeling that my life was going to change drastically. I just couldn't decide whether it was in a good way or a bad one.

So I went back to the coffee shop the next day. Don't know what was in my mind when I headed for the door, but I didn't really care. I just knew that I had to see her again. I needed to know how she knew my name. I needed to know a little more about her. Despite my mind telling me not to. My heart was leading the way.

I sat down at the same table I had the day before. I looked around anxiously, wondering where she was. I heard someone approaching, and I expected it to be her, but it wasn't. It was a guy. That just about explains it all.

I ordered a coffee. I continued looking around the coffee shop, wondering where she was. I didn't see her that day though. Or the next, or the next. I still kept going though, everyday that week. I finally saw her on a Saturday. That was a special day.

I walked in the coffee shop, not expecting her to be there. I go to my normal table, and I hear someone approaching again. I thought it would be the guy that usually comes, but it wasn't. It was Marissa. Just seeing her again sent butterflies to my stomach.

She smiled when she saw me. "Hey, Ryan." She said. I smiled back at her. Maybe she liked me. Maybe we could work something out. I couldn't though, I had made a decision. A decision to never love another girl again.

"Hey, Marissa." I replied. What else was there to say really?

"So, coffee like the other day?" She asks me. I nod my head and she says, "I'll go get that for you then." She walked off, and I watched her again. It was like my eyes glued to her body . I have to say, I like what I saw.

She came back a little while later with my coffee. I smiled at her when I took it. I can't explain why I'm always smiling around her, but I am. "Thanks." I said. She just nodded and walked off. I didn't want her to though. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to know more about her.

So I waited at the coffee shop. Three hours and two coffees later, she was finally off her shift. I watched her walk toward my table, apron in hand. She was smiling when she saw I was still there. "I thought you would have left by now." She said when she finally arrived. I shrugged.

"I wanted to talk to you." She looked at the seat across from me. "Sit down, please." I said, gesturing towards it for her. She smiled some more and sat down.

"So, no puzzle today?" She asked with a twinkle in her eyes. I felt myself get embarrassed about the puzzle incident.

"Puzzles aren't really my thing." I said. Marissa was right about the puzzles. They really should be easy, but for me they weren't. I guess I just shouldn't do puzzles anymore. So I decided to give them away, stupid huh?

"Really?" She asked with a playful smirk. "What could have possibly led you to that conclusion?" I love how she teases me. It's something Sadie and I never shared. We were always so serious.

"You." I say. She looks at me, and we lock eyes. I see her smile disappear, and I feel mine disappear too. It's time to ask the question that's been on my mind since I last saw her. "How do you know my name?"

She shrugs, the playful grin there again, "I have my ways." She already had her ways with me.

I smile again at that. "Really? I didn't think you'd care." No one ever asked my name anymore. They always saw how serious I was, and walked off. I guess I'm not a very social person.

She suddenly becomes serious. "Why would you think that?" My smile disappears once again. This wasn't part of the plan. She wasn't supposed to care.

I sigh. "No one ever does." I shrug. "It doesn't bother me at all." You get used to it.

She reached for my hand all of a sudden. She rested her soft, warm hand on top of mine and I felt the sparks immediately. She smiled at me again. "Well, I do care."

I feel my smile come back. "Thanks." I feel myself become comfortable around her. I haven't been comfortable around a girl since Sadie. Even then, there were moments when we weren't like me and Marissa now.

So we have small talk for about an hour. I feel myself liking her more every second that goes by. I love how her eyes twinkle whenever she says something to me. I love her teasing. I love her laugh and the sound of her voice. When it's time for her to go, I don't know when I'll see her again. That's just not something I'll let happen though.

I gather up all of the courage in me and ask, "Do you think we could hang out sometime?" I think back to what I said and correct myself, "Go out?"

She smiles even bigger than I've seen her smile before. She pulls out a pen from her purse and grabs a napkin. She writes her number on it. "Yeah, here's my number." As she gets up to leave, she turns to me one last time. "I was wondering when you'd ask."

My eyes follow her out of the shop again. I can't understand the effect she has on me. I smile when see her number. I'm going to go out with Marissa Cooper. I've never believed in fate before, and I really didn't like stuff about true love. But as I thought back to Marissa, I wondered if there really was a such thing as love at first sight.


	3. Chapter 3

-1**A/N sorry it has been a while since I last posted, I've got three other stories going, and limited time on the computer. So I know this is short, but hang in there, and things will get better. Thanks for all the reviews, R/r, enjoy!**

What happens when you fall in love? Do you know it from the beginning, or does it sneak up on you? What do you feel? How do you act? Do you feel like you can fly or do the impossible? Do you think about that person constantly? Do you want to be with them, and what do you say to them?

I thought I knew what love was with Sadie. I thought I could answer those questions, but I can't. I don't know if I ever really loved her, or if I loved the idea of her. I loved the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could spend the rest of my life with someone.

So I went on thinking that I loved her. When in truth, I think I put up with her. I didn't constantly want to see her. I think I can finally understand why I felt sad and depressed when I caught her with someone else. I had lost my comfort, lost my plans for the future. That was more than I could handle.

As I get ready for my date with Marissa, I can't help but wonder if things will turn out differently. She's like a mystery, and I want to know about her. Is she afraid of anything? Will she make a good wife? How about a good mother? Would she even tell me, did she even like me?

I still wanted to know how she knew my name. I wanted to know how she felt about me. I needed to know, but I couldn't really just ask her. Or could I?

I put on my button up shirt over my wife beater and put on my black boots. After that, I decided it was time for my hair. How should I wear it? Spiked, or down, or, wait, am I asking how to wear my hair?

I haven't been into my appearance since high school, and even then I didn't really care. I'd never tried to make myself better than I already was. If someone didn't like the way I looked, that was their bad, not mine. What was it about Marissa that made me want to be liked by her? 

I decide to spike my hair, and then I go and buy some roses for her from a local flower shop. I drive to the address that she gave me over the phone. When I arrived in front of the house, I stayed in the car, afraid of what awaited me when I stepped out. I got up all the courage I had and opened the door.

I slowly walked to the front door. When I reached it, I took in a deep breath, and with roses in hand, I rang the doorbell. I waited a moment, and then heard some movement on the other side of the door, "Hold on." I heard her say. Just hearing her voice calmed me down some.

She opened the door and smiled when she saw me. "Hey." She looked down at the roses, "Are those for me?" She asked. I just nodded and handed them to her, looking down while doing it. "You're sweet, come in, I'll put them in a vase."

So I entered her house, afraid of what to find. Would she have pictures of her family, did she have a family? Where do I walk, what do I talk about? I looked around and sighed, relieved, she had a nice place. It was kind of small, but nice.

She had pictures all around of older people with resemblance to her. I figured it was her parents. She had one of a teenage girl and I figured it had to be her sister. I smiled as I saw her smiling on vacation with her family, Hawaii probably. At least I think.

Marissa had left me while she put the roses in a vase. She returned a little while later, smile on her face still and I smiled even bigger at her. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah." I say and I realize it's the first thing I've said all night. She grabs my hand and we walk out. It would have been the perfect moment, if I hadn't caught sight of one picture hanging on the wall.

A picture with a little boy, maybe two or three. A picture with Marissa, smiling at the boy, hugging him, nothing but pure love in her eyes for the boy. A picture that said on the frame, "I love my mommy."……….


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N this isn't long, but it's longer than I have been writing for my stories. The Marissa being a mother thing will be dealt with in mostly the next post though. Thanks for all the reviews, R/R, enjoy!**

Have you ever felt like you're falling? Like the world is spinning beneath you and you can't stand straight? Have you ever felt lightheaded and confused, like something was impossible? Have you ever felt like you were making a complete fool out of yourself?

That's how I felt when I walked out of Marissa's house. All the while I was thinking, 'this can't be happening, she can't be a mother….' but that didn't really explain the picture frame. Or the closeness of her and the boy. The closeness that only a mother and a child can share……..

"Are you okay?" Marissa asked, a concerned look on her face. I don't say anything so she continues. "Did I do something wrong?"

And I want to answer her. I want to smile, laugh, and have fun with her. But I couldn't, because everyone knows that when you have something on your mind, you just can't act the same. "Could you drive?" I finally manage.

She gives me a confused look and says, "Yeah, sure." I give her the keys and we go to the car. I should enjoy myself. It's not everyday that you have a date with Marissa after all. She's beautiful and has a wonderful personality. You'd never think she's a mom…..

_Mom_. And the word rings in my head. What had happened to my own mom? She had left, disappeared without a trace, leaving me with the Cohens. Now Marissa is a mom, and I wonder if she's a better mom than mine.

But the word keeps repeating itself in my mind. _Marissa's a mom, Marissa's a mom, Marissa's a mom……_. It's not possible. She's what, twenty three, how could she be a mom of a two or three year old?

She's not married, doesn't have a boyfriend, and doesn't seem like the type to just sleep around. Something must have happened, yeah. That's it. What though? And how do I find out? You can't just ask Marissa that kind of question, can't ask anyone that kind of question.

"So, where are we going?" She asks me, eyes on the road. I suddenly remember my plans.

"Well…." I try to push the thoughts of Marissa's kid out of the way. "I was thinking you could decide." I look over to her to see what she's thinking, "I mean, you have to have something you'd rather do than dinner and a movie."

She smiled and I felt my whole world brighten up again. I'd deal with the kid some other time. Tonight, Marissa and only her would be on my mind. "Well, I did want to go to this circus."

"A circus?" I ask. For someone with the chance of having a kid, she sure acts like one herself. Then again, it might rub off.

"Yes, I love the circus." Her smile grew even bigger, "I went a couple of years ago, and I've loved it ever since. I mean, the shows, the rides, what is better?"

I felt like saying she was, because that's true. I felt like saying her reaction to the circus, because that's true also. I didn't though. "I don't know." And I feel myself smile, despite everything going on in my mind.

"Exactly." I hear the excitement in her voice. I smile even wider. Maybe this night would go okay, just like I'd hoped. If I could only get the kid out of my mind.

He was related to her, for sure. He'd had the same blue eyes that she had, and her light brown, almost blonde colored hair. The boy was cute for his age, but I'd never really liked kids before.

When we reached the circus, Marissa's excitement only grew. She grabbed my hand, leading me in all sorts of directions. We ended up seeing a couple of shows before she would even get close to the rides.

First, she wanted to go on a small roller coaster. You could tell it was made for younger kids, but she insisted and you can't really say no to her. So we rode that, and I actually enjoyed myself. Afterwards, she took me to a bunch of other rides, ones that I could tolerate. As long as I didn't get off the ground.

Then, we came across a ferris wheel. I tried to steer her away, but somehow she dragged me onto it. I was immediately afraid when they put the bar over us. The ride started and we got lifted off the ground. I gulped, and Marissa held my hand.

"Are you scared of heights Mr. Atwood?" She asked, amused at my discomfort.

I nod, "yeah." And I feel like I could faint again. She giggles and I turn to her, "What's so funny?"

She smiles and says, "You are." She giggles some more, "You act like a little kid."

And I catch myself before saying, you would know. "You aren't much better." I say defensively.

"No, I'm not." She admits. She turns to look over the side of the ferris wheel, and the dummy that I am, I follow her gaze. We're at the top, sixty feet if not higher.

I gulp once more, "Had to choose the ferris wheel did you?" I ask, annoyed.

"Yep." she says, not letting my annoyance get to her. After a while, she turns back to me and says, "You saw the picture, didn't you?"

I'm shocked by the question at first. I don't understand what she means. Then I remember the little boy and nod. "Yeah," I say softly, "I did."

She suddenly loses her smile. She seems to get withdrawn from me, no longer the fun loving girl I knew just minutes ago. "I'm surprised your still here." She huffs, "How much longer are you planning to stay, until you get what you want?"

I'm no longer aware of my surroundings. I could be in space for all I care. She's hurt, and I don't care what her background is, but I'm going to help her. "No, why would I leave you?"

She looks at me with a knowing look. "Because, I have a kid, and you either get scared of the thought, or think I'm easy to get into bed." She seems to be fighting tears and I want to hold her.

"I would never think that of you." I say truthfully. "I may not be used to the idea just yet." I pause, "But I really want to make this work between us."

She looks at me with hope in her eyes for just one second, and then it vanishes and I see the defensive look come back. "How come I don't believe you?" And she looks down, avoiding eye contact.

I lift her chin to see that tears are flowing freely down her face. I wipe some away and whisper, "Maybe you're afraid to."

She looks deep into my eyes, and I see that she is scared like I am. She's vulnerable, and just needs someone to care. I slowly start to inch my face closer to hers, and she seems shocked, but doesn't fight back. My eyes close, and our lips meet.

And it was sixty feet in the air that I realized I was in love……..


	5. Chapter 5

-1**A/N This chapter isn't too long, but I don't have a lot of time. Thanks for the reviews, R/R, enjoy!**

"_There is always Madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." _

_-**Friedrich Nietzsche**_

I made a promise to myself. A promise not to fall in love with another woman. A promise not to get my heart broken. A promise to never get close to anybody once again. I broke that promise, not intentionally, but I did. I never believed in breaking promises before. Why break one now?

So as I'm walking with Marissa, I can't help but be mad at myself. I can't help but be mad at her too, but I can't really explain why. She keeps going on and on about violence in movies. We went to go see the movie Apocalypto, and that's a brutal movie. She picked it out though, but she is disgusted by it.

"I mean, we're just like those Mayans watching sacrifices. They had a reason though, they believed it was for God." She paused and looked at me. "We don't have reasons though. We watch people die onscreen all the time and what's our explanation? I was bored. Humans are animals." She turned away. "Vicious animals."

And I suddenly got the sense that she wasn't talking about the movie anymore. Maybe it was because she distanced herself from me for the rest of the walk, or maybe it was that her eyes were glistening as if she was about to cry. I don't know, but I wanted to find out. All madness and thoughts of broken promises were gone.

She was walking maybe a foot away from me. I ask, "Do you want to sit down?" And I motion to a couple of benches. She just nods her head, not looking me in the eyes.

We get to the benches and I sit close to her. She just scoots over and I feel hurt. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?" I ask. I add, " Because I really don't know."

She doesn't say anything for a while, just looks out at the scenery of the park. I follow her gaze and see a couple of kids running around, playing tag. I think of her son, and realized that she probably is too. I'm about to say something when she says, "His names Kyle. He's five, going on six."

I don't say anything, but I do the math in my head. Marissa's twenty three, and the boy is five. That means she must have had him when she was seventeen or eighteen, since his birthday's coming up soon. "But in the picture….." And I trail off.

"In the picture he was three. It was taken two and a half years ago." She looks away from the kids and avoids my gaze. "I had him when I was seventeen. It was almost my eighteenth birthday. A teenager is supposed to enjoy that day, not spend it feeding her newborn."

I don't know what to say. What do you say when she was talking about something like that. But I couldn't help but wonder who the father was, so I eventually ask. "Who's the father?"

I look over to her but she's looking down. "His name is Peter Hampton. He was a water polo player." She didn't say anything else though.

"What happened to him?" I paused. "Did you love him?" I asked, struggling to say the words.

"I barely knew him." She finally turned to me and must have seen my confused expression because she added, "He raped me." And I could see the pain in her face. I wanted to hold her, tell her it was okay. I couldn't though, because there's no way to make her feel better after something like that.

She sighed and went on. "It was at a party at my friend Holly's house. We were dating, and we went, expecting a fun time. He had a little too much to drink, and this guy there was handing out drugs. He took some and just…" She paused, and I could tell she was trying not to cry. "lost control." she said, almost too quiet for me to hear.

I scoot closer and she doesn't fight me. I put my arm around her and she stiffens under my touch. I pull back and she relaxes. I feel hurt again, but I won't say it. She's been through a lot, and talking about it to me must not make it any better. She continued, "I told him I didn't want to, but he just kept kissing me. I screamed out for help…." She looked at me, the pain in them making my heart hurt for her. "But no one came."

"I'm sorry, I know it doesn't help any, but I really am." I look deep into her eyes and I want so badly to hurt that guy. I want to kill him for the pain he caused Marissa. I want to see him hurt like he hurt her.

"I found out I was pregnant a month and a half later. I told him, and he said it wasn't his and called me a whore. Everyone at school looked at me differently. They never found out what really happened. No one ever did.

"I told my mom about it, but she didn't care. She just called me a slut and didn't believe me. She let me stay at the house, but looked at me differently. I began to think lowly of myself. Maybe they were all right. Maybe I was a worthless slut. And suddenly, I realized I had no one.

"My dad had left when I was five. He would send the occasional letter and give gifts at Christmas and Birthdays, but I don't think he really cared anymore. My sister was in boarding school, and she was too young to understand what was going on. Peter broke up with me and my friends abandoned me."

I watched a tear stream down her face and I wiped it away gently. She looked deep into my eyes and I put my arm around her. She didn't fight back this time, and she leaned in and put her head on my chest. She started crying and I held her, rubbing her back soothingly. "You're not worthless Marissa. You're the best person I've ever met." I paused and then continued. "And if you let me, I want to meet your son."

She had stopped crying and jerked her head up. "You want to meet Kyle?" And I could see the shock and disbelief in her eyes. "Why would you want to do that?"

I smiled a small smile. "Because he's a big part of your life and you're a big part of my life." I moved one of her stray hairs out of her face. "And that means that he's a big part of my life."

She still seemed shocked. "Ryan-"

"No, I want to meet him, end of discussion." I saw a smile form on her face. "Besides, I need a little male bonding." And she giggled.

"Are you sure?" She asked one last time.

"I told you yes." And she put her arms around my neck and kissed me softly on the lips. I felt the sparks going all throughout my body and smiled into the kiss. Maybe life was good after all.

I made a promise to myself. I said that I'd never let a woman get close to me ever again and I was hoping to protect my heart. It's only now that I realized that my promise was stupid and would only cause me more pain. Because now that I have Marissa in my life, I feel better than I have in a long, long, time…….


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N Sorry I haven't been posting much lately, I've been busy. So, I have four other stories, and you should read those too. Here they are: I only need you, Brought back to life, Diary of a Broken soul, and So you think you can dance. Check them out, please. Thanks for the reviews, R/R, enjoy!**

When I imagined my life when I was smaller, I thought of going to college, getting an education, and then meeting someone I thought I could marry. I pictured I'd get married, and have maybe two or three kids. I'd watch them grow up, with my wife by my side, and I'd teach them everything I knew about life and what I think makes the world go round. Never once in my thoughts was there the chance that I'd fall in love within a week, and be on my way to meet her child that she had after she was raped.

I guess life is kind of unexpected sometimes. Anyways, on with my life right now, I'm on my way to meet Kyle Cooper. I hear he likes all kinds of sports, which I don't play. He likes to read, and I haven't read a book other than my textbooks in years. He likes to write, and I guess I like to, but I'm not creative. I also hear he's really good at art, which I suck at. He likes the movie, The Corpse Bride, which I've never seen. So we have nothing in common, and I have a confession. I know nothing about kids.

I know they can be a pain, but that's about it. I never really talk to kids. Even when I was a kid, I acted like I was much older than my age. So I don't know how I can relate to a five year old. If he's anything like his mom, then I'm in for one heck of a time, because I'm still trying to figure her out. And if he's like his dad, and from what I've heard about his dad, I don't really know if we're going to get along well. I guess I'll find out, because I'm at the house.

I just stare at the front of it for a while, wondering what the day could hold in store for me. What if Kyle and I don't get along? What does that mean for me and Marissa? Do we break up, or what? And as I sit here, alone, thinking in a car, I realize that I think too much. Way too much.

So I do the most courageous thing I've ever done. I walk towards Marissa's house. And I ring the doorbell. And I wait, for a minute at the most, but it seemed like hours. And I greet Marissa. And I stand there, looking at the child that's next to her. It may not sound like much, but it's like jumping out of a plane. Not like I'm ever going to do that.

"Hey, come in." Marissa said with a smile on her face. The boy, who I assumed to be Kyle, just stood behind her, never looking away from me. He seemed shy and it made me smile. He was cute. He had Marissa's blue eyes and light blonde hair. He also had Marissa's freckles. He, unlike Marissa, wasn't very tall for his age, but I guess that didn't mean he couldn't grow tall when he grew up.

When I'm inside, Marissa looks at the boy, and holds out her hand to him. He takes it, and she says, "Kyle, this is Ryan Atwood, Ryan, this is my son, Kyle." She looks at me, waiting to see my reaction. I don't know what to say though, because I'm awestruck by Kyle. I can't explain the feeling I have right now, but it's not bad.

When I'm finally out of my trance, I say, "Hi, it's nice to meet you Kyle, I've heard so much about you." Kyle doesn't say anything though, just stares at me. We stay like that for a few minutes, until I finally stick out my hand for him to take. I don't know why, but I did.

It must have worked because he puts his hand in mine and shakes it. "It's nice to meet you, Mr. Atwood." And it feels weird, his hand in mine. It's so small, compared to mine anyways. Another wave of emotions washes over me, and I gulp.

"Call me Ryan." I say. I smile at the boy, hoping he'll smile back. He doesn't though, and I turn to Marissa. "Do you have anything planned for today?" I ask her. She shakes her head no and I sigh. Then, I get an idea. I turn to Kyle and ask, "Do you like baseball or basketball better?"

He thinks about it for a little while, and then says, "Basketball, because I like the Lakers."

"Basketball, huh?" I ask with a smile. He nods his head and I say, "Wait here." I head to my car and get my basketball that's autographed by Kobe Bryant. As I'm walking back, I see that he's watching my every move. I smile at him and give him the basketball. "Here, it's signed by Kobe Bryant. I'm not much of a Lakers fan."

He gasps as he reaches out for the ball, "I can have it?" he asks, his eyes wide open. I nod and he says, "Cool!" And he runs to Marissa to show her the ball. She looks at me with tears in her eyes and mouths the words, thank you. I smile at her and she turns back to Kyle. "Thanks Ryan." he says, becoming shy again.

"It's no problem." I say. I walk over to Marissa and reach for her hand, holding it in my own. "I was thinking, how about we go to the park today?" Kyle's eyes light up and he starts running around me and Marissa excitedly.

"Can we mom, can we?" He asks. Marissa smiles and nods her head and he goes to get stuff from his room. When he's gone she turns to me.

She leans in and puts her head on my shoulder and I wrap my arms around her. "You're amazing, do you know that?" She asks me, and then looks into my eyes. We just stare at each other for a couple of minutes, liking the comfortable silence between us.

"I wouldn't say amazing." I say. She smiles and leans in and connects our lips in a short, sweet kiss. When she pulls back, I put my forehead against hers and say, "I think that there's something in the Cooper genes that makes me love them at first sight or something." And I don't even realize what I'm saying until it's out of my mouth.

Marissa doesn't say anything, as if she's comprehending the words. Then, as if what I meant struck her, she gasps, and slightly pulls away from me. "I have to go check on Kyle." She says, leaving my arms, making me feel empty.

We go to the park, and I play basketball for a while with Kyle. It's a good thing he's only five and doesn't know a good player from a bad one, because I'm not the most skilled. Marissa kept her distance from us, and I can't figure out if it's because she's giving me alone time with Kyle, or if she's afraid to be near me after our conversation earlier. Either way, she stays away.

Later in the day we headed back to Marissa's house and just hung out, watching TV. Marissa stayed far away from me on the couch, but Kyle didn't. He kept his distance at first, and then, as the afternoon wore on, he began scooting closer to me. It made me smile despite Marissa's odd behavior. At least I had one Cooper on my side.

When it was time for Kyle to go to sleep, he asked if I would tuck him in. How my heart soared when he asked me, getting shy again. I of course, said yes, and Marissa watched from the doorway. When Kyle was asleep, I turned to her, and looked deep into her blue eyes and saw two emotions. Amazement and fear. Fear was winning.

We silently went downstairs to the couch and just sat there, looking at each other. Finally, when I could no longer stand the awkward silence, I asked in barely a whisper, "Did I say something wrong?"

She watched me for a little bit longer, just staring, not speaking. Finally, she drew a breath and started speaking. "You didn't say anything wrong." And she paused, looking away from me. "I'm afraid of love. Deeply, deeply scared of it." I could see tears were making their way down her cheeks, but I didn't try to comfort her, knowing she wouldn't allow me to.

She continued. "I think when you said that earlier, I didn't really think you meant it. But then, I thought, what if you did? What if you did love me? And I couldn't think of why you did, or could." She turned to me and said, "So don't tell me you love me if you don't, because Kyle's involved now, and I already know that he's falling for you."

She starts to get up when I say, "I love you." And never in my life had I meant it as much as I did now. Right here, with her, I wanted to tell her what was on my mind. Everything, I wanted to talk, so I did. "I can't explain why, or how, or when it happened, but it did. And I'm not upset or mad that I am either. Because you're amazing, and you're funny, and smart. You make me laugh, and make me think of things I never thought of before. You make me want to smile and talk, and have fun. And I've never felt this way before-"

But I was cut off by her lips on mine. She kissed me long, and passionately. I ran my hands through her hair, and pushed her down onto the couch, never breaking contact with her. She moaned softly and I'd never heard a better sound. The feeling of her soft lips against mine was amazing, and pure. And I love her, which is amazing.

And as I'm kissing her, I can't help but think about my feelings. I'm in love, me, Ryan Atwood, who vowed never to love anyone ever again, was falling deeper in love with her every single day. It was amazing, and I didn't want to stop it, and I wouldn't. Because I knew that no matter what happened, I would always love Marissa Cooper. And her son too.

After a while, Marissa pulled back, breathless. She looked deep into my soul and smiled. Then, she said the four words I'd been longing to hear since this morning. No, since our first kiss on the ferris wheel a couple of weeks ago. The four words that mean more to me than anything else, the most powerful thing to say.

"I love you too."


	7. Chapter 7

For a large part of my life, I hated feelings. I hated feeling anything, whether it was being happy or sad, or ecstatic, or miserable. I hated it because I knew that sooner or later, no matter how good I was feeling at the time, I'd get hurt. How much fun times can you really expect, growing up in Chino, getting beat by your parents, and not having anyone love or care for you. That's why when I found Sadie, I guarded myself at the beginning. And then I found out that she went through the same thing that I did, and I believed her when she told me that she loved me. But with Marissa, I don't need to know her past to know how she feels, to believe her when she declares her love for me. Because I see it in her eyes, and for me, that's enough.

It's been a week since I've met Kyle. A week since me and Marissa shared those three little words. A week since my life became a whole lot better. Marissa and I are supposed to go on our first date alone since I've met Kyle. I'm really looking forward to it, because though I have a strong fondness for the kid, I would like to spend some alone time with Marissa. So we planned on this date for tonight, and I have it all planned out…I think.

I'm going to pick Marissa up, and drive her to a nice, romantic restaurant. I've already reserved a seat for outside, so we'll be under the stars. We'll hold hands, and look into each other's eyes for as long as we want to. And when we're done eating, I wanted to take her to a park that I found nearby, and we'll go for a walk and just talk about stuff, doesn't really matter what. And after that, I'll take her home, and we'll have the night's memories in our minds. I know I'll be dreaming about it.

I walk up to Marissa's house, and knock on the door. I wait for her to answer the door, but she doesn't, Kyle does. "Ryan!!" He yells, jumping into my arms.

"Hey, how have you been, it's been a whole day since I last saw you, and you've really grown," I say, smiling at him. He giggles and I love the sound of it.

"Silly, I haven't grown, I'm still five." He says, holding up five fingers to emphasize his age.

"Oh, I thought you'd already graduated high school." I say, putting him down. I walk inside, and he laughs. "Where's your mom?"

Just then, Marissa walks into the room. She smiles at me, and once again, I feel my breath catch in my throat. "Hey." She says softly. She turns to Kyle and gives him a hug. "It's time for bed, be nice for Summer okay." He just nods and she kisses his forehead. I watch the exchange between the two with awe, she really was a good mother.

Kyle waved to him once more, and then went back upstairs. Marissa walked towards him, a large grin on her face that lit up my world. I put my hands on her waist, and leaned into her. I kissed her long and passionate, letting my tongue slip into her mouth. After what felt like forever, but was just a few minutes, I pulled back, breathless, and leaned my forehead against her own. "How's that for a greeting?"

The corners of her mouth lifted and she softly said, "I like your greetings Mr. Atwood." She pulled back and grabbed my hand, "But I think we really should go." I just nodded, and we walked to my car together. When we get in, she says, "Kyle wouldn't go to sleep, I had to promise him he could stay up to see you." She turned to me and smiled, "He's falling for you."

"Well I like him too." I say, starting the car. We stay in a comfortable silence for a while, and I hold her hand, loving the feeling of it tucked inside my own. We arrive at the restaurant about fifteen minutes later, and Marissa gasps when she sees our table.

"Ryan, why'd you go through all the trouble?" She asked when we were seated.

"Well, I knew you'd like it….and it's our one month anniversary." I say, waiting for her reaction.

"Really, already?" She asked, looking shocked. "I'm sorry, I didn't even remember. Everything with you has just been…." But she stops herself, and looks away, blushing.

"Has been what?"

"Amazing…"

I take her hand in my own again, and lace our fingers together. "I know…" The waiter comes by and we order our food.

She looks at me at the corners of her mouth lift up. She looks out to where a band had started playing, and a group of people were dancing. "Come on." She says, walking over to them, practically dragging me with her. She stops when we get to the dance floor, and she turns around and faces me. "I love dancing."

"I….don't dance." I say. It's the truth too. I tried to dance once, and let's just say, I haven't seen my dance partner since. "I don't even remember how too." I admit.

"I'll teach you then," she says. She shows me where to put my hands, and how to move. After a couple of minutes, the band starts a new song and we start dancing. When I become comfortable, I pull her closer to me, and hold her while we move to the music. She ends up resting her head on my shoulder, and I feel myself smile even wider than ever before. I may not be a great dancer, and I may not like dancing, but right now, I'll take any excuse to hold Marissa. "See, this isn't so bad."

"No, it isn't." We continue to move slowly to the music for a couple of more songs, and then we go sit down and wait for our food to arrive. When it does, we eat in a comfortable silence until I remember what I'd been wanting to ask her. "How did you know my name?"

She looks at me confused. "What do you mean?"

"That first day, you knew my name, and I hadn't told it to you." I pause and think back to that day. "How did you know it?"

She smiled and playfully said, "That's my secret."

"Please tell me, it's bugged me ever since." I beg.

"Fine, I'll tell you." She puts her fork down and then continues. "I'd seen you a couple of times, just sitting there looking at your textbooks. I never actually walked up to you, but my coworkers always did. I guess I was shy," She said, blushing slightly.

"You, shy?" I ask, not able to believe it.

"Yes, I was shy. Anyways, one girl was talking about how she had a class with you, and your name was Ryan Atwood. Then, that one day you came in, I finally got up the courage to go to you. So that's how I knew….not really an exciting story."

"Well thank you for telling me….and it was a very interesting story." I smiled and then teased, "especially the part about you being shy."

"Shut up." she said, pretending to be mad, but failing miserably. We finished eating, and then we went to the park. She was quiet the whole way there, and I was beginning to wonder what was wrong.

As we walked along the path, hand in hand, I watched her quietly. She was staring off into space, as if she was deep in thought. "What are you thinking?" I finally ask her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Just…stuff." She says, avoiding my gaze.

"What kind of stuff," I press on.

"It's just that…"

"Come on, you can tell me anything." I say, putting my hands on her waist. She looks at me, and I see that there is a certain sadness in her eyes.

"It's just that, I've never been in a relationship more than a few months, and if that's continues, we'll break up soon….and I'm afraid." She looked away and sighed, "And here I am, probably scaring you away…"

"You're not scaring me away, you could never do that. I love you, and that's never going to change." I lean in and kiss her softly. "Don't worry about our relationship."

We continue walking, but she's in a better mood now. We talked about Kyle, and his fondness for me. I didn't know how it was possible for me to like the kid so much so quickly, but somehow it had happened. Marissa told me that he'd never had a fatherly figure before, and I was really the only male he'd ever bonded with. This made me feel special in a way, I can't explain why though.

I drove her back to her house, and walked her to her door. We stood on her porch for a while, just staring at each other, neither wanting the night to end. Finally, after a couple of minutes, I leaned in and pecked her lips, letting the kiss linger a little. "Good night." I whispered, but didn't make a move for the car.

We just stood there, not saying anything. She leaned in and kissed me, longer this time. I let my tongue slip into her mouth, and she massaged my tongue with her own. As the kiss grew more heated, I pushed her up against her front door, putting one hand on her waist, and running the other through her hair. She moaned and I smiled into the kiss. She moved her hands through my shaggy hair and after a while, she pulled back. "Good night…" But I cut her off with another kiss. "Maybe…you….should…..come….inside." She said in between kisses. I just nodded in response, and she opened her door quickly.

Once we got inside, she turned back to me and wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing me passionately. I pushed her up against one of the nearest walls and started moving my hands up her shirt. I deepened the kiss and she started moving her hands to the buttons on my jeans. She was just about to unbutton them when we heard a noise behind us. Reluctantly, I pulled away to face a short brunette with a smirk on her face.

I turned to Marissa who was turning red. I felt myself get embarrassed also, especially since I could feel how tight my jeans were at the moment, knowing that whoever this was, would notice also. "Hmm, I'm just going to go Coop." She said to Marissa. She grabbed her jacket and then opened the front door so she could leave. She turned to us one last time and said, "And guys, next time, wait until you get into the bedroom."

When she was gone, Marissa turned to me. "That was…embarrassing."

I smiled and said, "Yeah…I should probably go…."

"No, wait." She said, reaching for my hand. "Why don't you stay, we could watch a movie….you've been telling me that you'll watch the Notebook."

"That is true.." I said, trying to shake off the thoughts about what we were about to do before we got interrupted. She smiled and led me into the living room where she set up the movie. I sat down on the couch, and she sat beside me, leaning into me. I place my arm around her, and we started to watch the movie.

When the movie was over, I looked down to see a sleeping Marissa. I smiled at the sight, loving how adorable she looked. I shut off the TV and DVD player and then went back to her. I didn't want to wake her up, so I did the only thing that came to mind. I carried her. I carried her up the stairs and to her room, making sure I was careful with her and our surroundings.

I placed her on her bed, and tucked her in like I had done to Kyle the other day. I sat down on her bed, and just watched her sleep, the steady rising and falling of her chest. I ran my hand over her cheek, and moved a stray piece of hair out of her face. I looked down at my watch and saw that it was late, so I kissed her forehead tenderly, and stood to go. But I felt a hand grab hold of my arm and I turned to see a sleepy Marissa staring back at me.

"Stay…." She said sleepily. She tugged on my arm, and I sat down on the bed next to her again.

"It's getting late…."

She nodded and took hold of my hand now. "Stay then." She sat up in bed. "Stay the night."

"Marissa…" I started, but she cut me off.

"Earlier, we almost went too far too fast. But stay the night with me, we won't do anything, just sleep." She pleaded with her eyes, and I felt myself start to give in.

"Are you sure…what about Kyle?"

"What about him? He'll love to see that you're here in the morning."

"Alright." I said, taking off my shoes and getting ready for bed. I stripped into just my wife beater and boxers, and then I lay down next to her on the bed. She was smiling at me, and I felt myself start to smile too. This was what I'd been wanting right? To spend a whole night with Marissa, just holding her.

She grabbed my arms and put them around her, not giving me the chance to do so myself. Then, she cuddled against me and put her head on the pillow. She fell asleep almost instantly, but I can't say the same for myself. Because I was just too amazed at the beautiful woman next to me to fall asleep anytime soon, so I just watched her until my eyelids grew too heavy to keep open anymore.

I don't really like feelings, or at least I didn't used to. I hated being happy because I knew that it meant that sadness was just around the corner. I didn't believe in love, especially after I broke up with Sadie. I didn't believe that I should go the extra mile and care for someone else, when I knew they'd only hurt me in the end. But with Marissa, it's like I have this whole new perspective on life, on love. And now, for the first time, it really feels like I'm living the way I was supposed to.


	8. Chapter 8

Have you ever gotten that feeling that you're having the most amazing dream ever, and wake up to find out that it really isn't a dream, it's reality. I woke up that way, with Marissa in my arms. I just lay there for a while, watching her sleep, and the way her eyes fluttered every once in a while to show that she was dreaming. I thought about my life this past month and smiled. From Marissa to Kyle, my life just seemed important for once. And I had applied for a job a couple of days ago….they were supposed to contact me today, so if I get that, it seems that my life will be complete.

I'll have the girl, the kid even if he technically isn't mine, and the job. I looked over to the clock on her nightstand and saw that it was almost eight. I could hear noises coming from downstairs, and I figured that Kyle was up. I kissed Marissa's forehead tenderly and then got up and walked to her bathroom. I looked around for a toothbrush I could borrow, and ended up finding an unopened one in a cabinet. I started brushing my teeth, and saw as Marissa slowly started to wake up because of the noise. "Hey.." She murmured sleepily.

"Hey." I said after I spit out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth. I walked over to her and hovered over her on the bed. "I'm going to go downstairs and check on Kyle." I kissed her cheek and got up.

"No real kiss?" She asked curiously. I shook my head and she got up. "Why not?"

"You need to brush your teeth." I stated with a smirk. She rolled her eyes and playfully pouted. "Oh, and I opened that toothbrush that was in the package so I could use, hope you don't mind."

"I don't." She said, quickly going to the bathroom. "So you're saying that I don't get a kiss until I brush my teeth?"

"Yep…as I said earlier, I'll be downstairs." I left her with a chuckle and started going downstairs. I walked into the kitchen and found Kyle staring at a couple of cabinets, trying to reach for them, but not being able to. "What's up buddy?" I ask, crouching down beside him.

"Ryan? What are you doing here?" He asked happily. He gave me a quick hug and then remembered my question. "I'm hungry, and I can't reach the cereal."

"Oh, it's in this cabinet?" I ask, opening it. I see that there are Fruity Pebbles in the cabinet, and grab it pulling it out. "You don't mind if I eat some do you?" I ask with a smile.

Kyle grabs my hand and quickly leads me over to the dishwasher and opens it. "No, and you can use my bowl." He handed me a bowl with sponge bob on it. "Sponge bob's my favorite character."

"I see that." I reply. "Are you sure, don't you want to use it?" I ask, not knowing if I really want to use a bowl with a cartoon sponge on it.

"If you want to use it, you can." He said again.

"I think you should use it," I say, handing the bowl back to him. "I don't want to take your bowl away."

"Okay."

I pour us both a bowl of cereal, and Kyle hands me the milk with a struggle. "Thanks." I say, pouring the milk. "Do you think your mom wants cereal?" I ask.

"Mommy doesn't usually eat cereal." Kyle said, sitting down at the table. I take our bowls over to the table, placing one in front of him.

"Really, what does she usually eat?" I ask curiously.

"I dunno…it looks like candy."

"Oh.." I say, smiling. Marissa eating protein bars and stuff like that was not what I'd imagined. We continue to eat in silence, and after a while, Marissa comes downstairs. She's wearing sweatpants and a tight loose T-shirt, and I found her very attractive. "Good morning, I was beginning to think that you'd gone back to sleep."

"Very funny." She said, rolling her eyes. She turned to Kyle and asked, "Has Ryan been behaving?"

"Hey, shouldn't it be the other way around?" I asked with a playful pout. "Do you not trust me?". She came up behind me and kissed my cheek.

Kyle started laughing and said, "yes mommy, he's been good."

Marissa smiled and said, "Good, now Kyle, go upstairs and get some clothes on." Kyle reluctantly walked off and I turned to Marissa.

"I was going to get you some cereal, but Kyle informed me that you don't eat cereal with him usually."

"I usually don't have time." She said, wrapping her arms around my neck and sitting on my lap at the table. "Do I get my kiss now?"

I smile at her and lean in to kiss her softly. When I pull back, I say, "There, I believe that was a good morning kiss." She shakes her head and leans in to kiss me again.

She pulled back after a couple of minutes, leaving us both breathless. "There, that's a good morning kiss." She kisses me once again, and I slip my tongue into her mouth, letting it mingle with hers.

I pull back after a while and said, "We don't want a repeat of last night, especially with Kyle around." Marissa nods and then gets up and starts cleaning up around the kitchen. She picked up Kyle's sponge bob bowl and said, "He loves this bowl, wouldn't even let me touch it for a long time much less use it."

I got up and walked over to her, putting my hands on her waist. "He offered for me to use it…."

"Really?" She asked, shocked. Then she smiled and kissed me and when she pulled back, she said, "He must really like you. I've never seen him this close to anyone I've brought home."

That didn't go over so well with me. "And exactly how many people have you brought home?" I ask, unsure what she means by it.

She doesn't catch on that I'm upset right away and says, "Summer, me, you, Seth…."

"Who's Seth?"

She finally looks at me with one eyebrow raised and asks, "Is some one jealous?" I shake my head and look away and she smiles and says, "You are, that's so cute." She leans in to kiss me, and I immediately get lost in it, forgetting all about Seth. She pulls back and says, "Seth, let me see….he's kind of tall, has curly hair, kind of cute." She looks at me and sees that I'm still not happy and then she laughs and says, "Did I mention he's my friend Summer's fiancé?"

"No, you left that out." I said, feeling like a fool now. "You could've told me that in the beginning."

"It was more fun this way." She said, turning to see Kyle dressed. "So, what do you want to do today?" She asked Kyle.

"Let's go bowling." Kyle said excitedly.

"Bowling huh?" Marissa asked. She turned to me and asked, "Would you like to come bowling with us?"

"Sure….but I'm not good at bowling." I say uneasily.

"I'm sure you're fine." Marissa said, dismissing me. She turned back to Kyle and said, "We'll go in a little bit."

"Okay!" Kyle said, running back up the stairs.

Marissa turned to me and asked, "How bad are you at bowling?"

"Let's just say, my highest game is a seventy." I say sadly, "With bumpers."

"This'll be fun then." Marissa said with a smirk.

"For you maybe." I say, looking down at the ground, pretending to be upset. She comes over to me and pecks me on the cheek.

"You'll do fine, and if not, we'll have a story to tell."

I smile at her, and she goes upstairs to get changed. I decide to go back to my place and get some clothes to wear. When I'm there, I see that I have an unread message. I press the play button, and a male voice fills the room. "Hey Ryan, this is Stan from the architecture company. I'd like to tell you congratulations on getting the job. Work starts Monday morning at eight, hope to see you there." I delete the message, and feel like the happiest person in the world.

That feeling that you're dreaming when you're awake, it seems to be happening to me a lot lately. I have the girl, the kid, the job, the most amazing life ever. It feels like maybe my whole life's been a dream, a nightmare, and now I'm finally waking up. But even though I'm happy right now, I'm hoping that trouble isn't around the corner. Because if I learned anything back in Chino….it's that there's bad always lurking in the shadows, just waiting for the right time to attack.


	9. Chapter 9

Sooner or later we all discover that the important moments in life are not the advertised ones, not the birthdays, the graduations, the weddings, not the great goals achieved. The real milestones are less prepossessing. They come to the door of memory.  
**-Susan B. Anthony**

There's a point in life when you stop what you're doing and look around you, I mean, really look around you. You'll drop that cell phone that seems to always make it's way to your ear, and actually go outside and look at the earth that God made for us. You'll stop that jog you take every night right before dinner, and watch the sunset over the ocean, something you've never seemed to notice. You'll stop chasing your kids and actually watch them have the tiniest bit of fun, and smile when they do, and laugh when they laugh. When you get to this point in life, you create one small memory that stays with you until you're old and gray. And one day you'll recall that one particular moment when the rest of the world seemed to disappear, and you'll smile remembering how for once, there wasn't the fear of global warming, debt, or war, there was only you and the waves or the sunset, or your lover and kids.

I quickly made my way to Marissa's house after I got changed. I just had to tell her the news, that I had finally gotten a decent job. I arrived at her house and knocked on the door. Marissa answered and smiled at me as I walked in. "You know, you could've said you were leaving." She teased when she shut the door. "Kyle was sure you were abducted by aliens, until we saw that your car was gone." She leaned in and planted a kiss on my mouth. I smiled into the kiss, loving this, loving her.

I pulled back and said, "I have some news." She nodded and I continued, "So you know how I was telling you about that job interview last week?"

"Yeah, at the architecture company place right?" She asked, grabbing my hand and lacing our fingers together. She led me to the couch and we sat down, her staring at me intently, waiting for me to continue.

"Yeah, so they called and said that I got the job." I say happily. Her face lights up and she leans in to kiss me.

"I'm proud of you." She says when she pulls back.

I look at her for a long moment and then ask, "Where's Kyle?"

"He's in his room. See, he has decided in the half hour that you were gone that he's going to become an artist when he grows up." She giggled and said, "But yet he won't show me any of his drawings…he says they're not done and artists do not show their work until it's complete."

I smile and say, "Let me go upstairs and talk to him." She nods and follows me, holding onto my arm. We walk into his room together, and he quickly hides his drawings from us. "So I hear you're becoming an artist." I say.

"Yeah, I'll be famous!" He says excitedly. I chuckle softly and sit down on his bed beside him.

"Really, can I see what you're working on?" I ask, looking to where he hid the pictures. He shakes his head no and I ask, "How come, I really want to see it."

"It's not done though." Kyle said with a small roll of his eyes. I tell you, for a kid, he's really a character.

"Please." I ask once more."

"Nope." He says, shaking his head.

I get up and say, "So, since you're not showing me your picture, when are we going bowling?"

"I don't want to go anymore." He says with a smile. "I want to go to the store where you buy stuff for art."

"You do now do you?" I ask, trying not to laugh. I turn to Marissa who is smiling at Kyle.

"Yep." Kyle says, getting up and taking his picture with him.

Marissa speaks up and says, "If you really want to, we can go." She grabs my hand again and leads me out of the room. We walk back to the living room and collapse onto the couch laughing. "I told you…he wants to be an artist." She says after a while.

"He's stubborn, just like you." I tease.

She glares playfully and slaps my chest. "I am not stubborn." She says defensively.

"You kind of are." I say with a smile.

"Whatever." She says, turning around and avoiding me.

"This is exactly what I mean." I say, turning her around and kissing her softly on the lips. I pull back and smile, "You're stubborn."

"I am not." She protested again.

"But you don't understand that it's a good thing." I say, getting up when I see Kyle all ready to go.

"Really, why?" She asks, getting up too.

I smile and kiss her once more and then pull back and say, "Because it's one of the reasons that I love you."

We drive to the art store, and Kyle drags us through the aisles, looking for the perfect pair of colored pencils. I've never seen a kid so determined, but I guess really, I haven't been around any kids. I watch with an amused expression as he debates which pencils to get. I put my arm around Marissa and whisper, "Do you think Van Gogh took this long to choose what colors he wanted to make?"

She leaned against me and said, "I don't think it even took him this long to paint a picture." She smiled at me and said, "Thanks for deciding to spend the day with us, however boring it may be."

I smile and tease, "I thought I was going bowling. If I'd known what we were really doing, I would've stayed home." She looked at me with hurt on her face and I say, "I'm just kidding…just being with you guys makes my day."

She smiled and leaned in and kissed me softly on the lips, not caring that we were in an art store with tons of other people around. She pulled back and said, "Nice line."

"It's not a line." I say defensively. "It's the truth."

She was about to respond when we heard Kyle say, "I've decided which ones I want." We looked over to where he was holding a pack of expensive colored pencils. "These are the best ones I can find." he said with a pleasant smile.

"Really, they are?" Marissa asked, walking away from me and taking the colored pencils in her hands. "They do look nice." She said, looking my way. "You have to promise to be a good boy though if we get them." She said sternly to Kyle. "I'll take them away if you start acting up."

"Yes ma'am." He said excitedly reaching for the pencils.

She laughed softly and handed them to him. We walked to the register and paid, and then decided to go eat some lunch since Kyle had taken so long. "I can't wait to color my picture." Kyle said with a smile as he sat down in his chair at the coffee shop. "I've never been here before." He said, looking around.

"You know, your mom works here." I say with a smile. "This is actually where me and your mom met."

Kyle looks at us with wide eyes and asks, "Really? That's soooo cool!"

We ordered and kept talking about me and Marissa, stuff like where we met and how we met. Our first date came up, and Kyle laughed about me being scared of heights. When we were done, we went back to Marissa's house and Kyle went upstairs to finish his picture. Me and Marissa just sat on the couch, holding hands and watching TV, kissing every once in a while.

After a while, Kyle came down with his completed masterpiece in his hands. He showed us the picture, and I stared at it for a long time, not being able to say anything. It was slightly better than any normal five year old's picture, and it was done neatly. It was the actual picture though, and what it meant that made me stare at it so long. He had drawn three people, a man, a woman, and a child. The man and woman were holding hands and smiling widely. The little boy in the picture was looking at the man and woman and smiling even wider. There was a house in the background, a nice sun in the sky.

"It's you, me, and mommy." Kyle said to me with a large grin. "It's my family…" I looked down at him and gave him a small smile and then looked up at Marissa who had tears in her eyes.

"I love this picture," I say softly. Kyle hands it to me and I take a long look at it again.

"I'm going to take it to school, and show all my friends." He held onto my arm and took Marissa's arm too. "I'll tell them all that I have the best family in the world…."

There's a point in life when you just stop and just look around and enjoy the view. You take notice in the smallest things, the tiniest details, and you lock them away in your mind and you form a great memory. That happened to me when I saw that picture, when I heard those words that Kyle said. I was his family, I was part of his life. In twenty years, I'll be able to recall every single detail. I'll be able to tell you the way Marissa was smiling sweetly at Kyle, and the way Kyle's smile was bigger than I'd ever seen it before. I'll be able to tell you about how the TV was playing in the background, and you could hear the sounds of some commercial about cars on. But most of all, I'll be able to tell you the feeling that overcame me. I'll be able to tell you how for the first time in my life, I felt like I was in the right place at the right time. I'll be able to tell you how I never wanted that feeling to go away.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/n Sorry for the long wait, I'm trying to work on that. Okay, so the song I used in here was, 'Pop Goes my Heart' from the movie Music and Lyrics. I saw it the other day and thought this song fit perfectly in this story. So R/R and enjoy!**

**I never thought that I could be so satisfied  
Every time that I look in your angel eyes  
A shock inside me that words just can't describe  
And there's no explaining**

You remember how I made that deal that I'd never let anyone get close to me? I've been thinking about that a lot lately. I can't believe that I actually fell for her so easily. I mean my mind told me no, no…and no! There were times when I actually argued in my head whether or not to be with Marissa….

Me and Marissa have been going out for three and a half months now…a pretty long time if you ask me. Kyle's going to her friend Summer's house (the lady that caught us making out...), and we're going to stay in and make dinner ourselves…..something that we never do. We'll have the whole house to ourselves to do whatever we want to do….if you know what I mean.

Don't get me wrong, our life without it is just fine and dandy and all….but I want more you know. I'm a guy after all, and of course, I'm a guy in love. It's not just desire that I have deep inside of me, it's love and passion…..there's a difference. The only problem is, I don't know how Marissa feels about us being…together…that way. We've never really talked about moving to the next level in our relationship. We've just had a normal life. I've been working at my new job, I graduated college, and she's still taking online classes. We've still gone to the park and stuff with Kyle…doing stuff families generally do. Except, we just keep it at that. Maybe a make out session here or there, nothing more though.

Then again, we've never really had the chance either. Kyle's always around, or I'm working, or she's doing school work still. There's just tons of stuff that's going on, it's hard to find an available moment. That's why I think that tonight is the perfect night. I don't have work in the morning, she's got about a week's break off of school, Kyle's being taken care of. If you throw in a candle light dinner and dim the lights, it's perfect.

I'm at the door now, and I gulp before I knock. As I wait for her to answer the door, I try to think of my approach to everything. Maybe I'll slowly ease into it…you know, get her in the mood or something. Or maybe we could flat out just talk about it first…which would probably be awkward. As she answers, I figure the best approach would be to just get her into the mood. "Hey." She says with a big smile. She looks down at the roses I'm holding in my hands and steps aside for me to enter.

I hand her the roses and say, "These are for you." She closes the door and I lean her against it and say, "And so is this…" I lean in and capture her lips in a tender kiss. When I pull back, you can tell she liked the kiss from the look of desire in her eyes already. The night seems like it's going good so far.

**Something in the way you move I can't deny  
Every word from your lips is a lullaby  
A twist of fate makes life worthwhile  
You are gold and silver  
**

"Hmm, what was that for?" She asks with a smile of pleasure on her face. I smile and lean in and kiss her again. "Though I have to say I like it…" She says, as I kiss her again. I don't know why I'm kissing her so much already; we still have dinner and a movie we're supposed to watch. But still, I can't help myself, it's like my lips have a mind of their own.

"Just because I can," I say with a small smile. "Now are we going to make dinner or what?" I ask, taking her hand in my own and walking towards the kitchen. It isn't exactly marble countertops and stainless steel appliances, but it's still a decent sized and decorated one. There's a painting of the beach on a wall next to the kitchen table. There's a window that shows the backyard over the sink, and refrigerator is covered in pictures that Kyle had drawn and colored, including the one with his 'family' on it. She already had the ingredients out and ready and we get to work.

"So how's your day been?" She asks as she's cooking. She doesn't even look up at me, which gives me the chance to look at her without her noticing. I look at her beautiful shoulder length, blonde hair. I take in the way she seems to know exactly what she's doing, even though I've never seen her cook before. I smile as I see her cutting vegetables and almost cutting herself. She looks back up and smiles shyly, "What are you looking at?"

I look away and blush slightly. We may have been going out for three and a half months, but there are still moments when we can get all shy and blush around each other like two high school kids. "Nothing." I say after a while, starting to work myself.

She comes over to me and puts arms around my neck. "Really, because it looked like you were staring at me…" She says, and starts to giggle slightly.

"It's all in your head Cooper." I say, kissing the tip of her nose.

"Hmm, I don't think so." She says with another giggle. "You were staring at me, just admit it."

"And why would I go and do something like that?" I ask with a smile. I love the way we tease each other, the way we can have fun around each other.

She leans in and kisses me, and it takes me by surprise. When she pulls back she says, "Because, something like that would've happened. See, I believe that honesty is important." She walks back to what she was doing with a smirk, and I put my hands on her waist.

**I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
And I just can't let you go  
I can't lose this feeling  
**

"I was staring at you…." I say, kissing her neck.

"Hmm, I had to bribe you to tell though." She said, pulling away and walking off. I could see her smirking and I started whining. She turns to me and wraps her arms around my neck. "Maybe you should be honest next time…"

"Or maybe I should just do this…" I say, leaning in and kissing her. She doesn't pull back, but rather deepens the kiss by slipping her tongue into my mouth. As we keep kissing, things start to get pretty heated….so heated that we don't notice our food burning.

As the fire alarm goes off, she pulls back and says, "Shoot!" We take off the pots and pans from the stove and throw their contents in the trash. She looks at me when everything's done, and there's smoke everywhere around us. She starts giggling, and it soon comes out to be full blown laughter. I laugh with her and she says, "So how does pizza sound?"

"I think it sounds great.." I say, kissing her forehead. I take her hand in mine and lead her to the living room. "Oh, and remind me to never let you cook again."

"You were supposed to be helping." She pointed out, still recovering from all the laughing. We sat together on the couch, and she orders the pizza. When she's finished, she cuddles up next to me. She grabs one of my hands and starts to trace the lines on my palm. There's a comfortable silence that follows, and we just sit there, content in each other's presence. I've learned that the most effective and wonderful relationship is one where you don't need to talk every minute, but still talk enough to know each other well.

Soon the pizza came, but we were lazy and didn't want to get up. "I'll get it." I say after the pizza delivery person rings a second time. I go and pay for the pizza, and find Marissa in the kitchen getting prepared for us to eat. I just stand there for a second, watching her graceful moves. When she turns I break out of my trance and put the pizza down on the table. "Here's the pizza."

**These precious moments we have so few  
Let's go far away where there's nothing to do but wait  
You show to me that my destiny's with you  
And there's no explaining  
**

She moved over to me and kissed my cheek. "Thanks for paying." She said with a small smile. Together we got our food and then went to the living room to watch a movie. "I want to watch Music and Lyrics." She stated firmly.

"But I don't." I say with a groan.

"What if I promise to make it worth your while?" She asks seductively. I gulp and she smiles. "I thought so."

We start watching the movie and ate silently. When we were finished, we paused the movie and went and put our stuff away. Then we resumed the movie and cuddled up next to each other. Marissa was in between my legs, and had her body leaning back on me. I had my hands around her, resting with her own on her lap. My chin was rested on the top of her head, and I could smell the mixture of burnt food and coconut shampoo in her hair.

The movie turned out pretty good…but not a personal favorite of mine. What I love most about watching movies and television with Marissa is that she's always commenting on something, or she's always making funny facial expressions. Whenever there's a happy ending, she says, 'Aww..' And whenever there's a sad or tragic ending, she starts to cry. Good thing in this movie there's a happy ending….I would not want the mood to be ruined by a sad movie.

**Let's fly so high  
Will you come with me tonight?  
In your dress I confess you're the sole sunlight  
The way you shine in the starry skies  
**

**"**So I liked that movie." She said after a while. "I especially loved that song…'Pop Goes My Heart.'"

"It was alright." I say without showing any emotion. I really can't remember the song that well.

"It's just so…good. How he keeps saying that he wasn't going to lose his head….but then there goes his heart." She says, looking at me with a dreamy look. "It's just so romantic if you ask me."

I think about the lyrics once again, and then realize that the song explains me directly. "I think that explains our relationship…" I say in deep thought.

"What do you mean it explains our relationship?" She asks curiously.

"You know I told you about my ex girlfriend Sadie. Well after she broke my heart, I had made a deal that I wouldn't let anyone close to me again…and then I met you." I looked into her gorgeous blue eyes and give her a small, shy smile. "And pop goes my heart."

She smiles and kisses me softly. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I put my hands on her waist, pulling her closer to me on the couch. The kiss begins to grow more heated, and I move us so that I'm on top of her on the couch, and then kiss her deeper by fighting access into her mouth with my tongue. I explore every inch of her mouth with my tongue, until I'm sure I probably know her mouth as well as my own…if not better. She massages my tongue with her own, and someone moans…I'm not exactly sure if it's me or her at this point. All I know is, that we never get to kiss like this with Kyle around…and I'm going to take full advantage of it.

I move my hand up to her face and cup her cheek with my hand tenderly. She pulls me down further onto her, making our bodies press together so tightly that I'm sure we'll melt into each other. I feel the desire start to kick into me, and I know that this is the moment I've been waiting for all night. I start to kiss down her neck, making her shiver beneath me. I quickly pull back and look into her eyes which are clouded with lust and love and passion. "What's wrong?" I ask, my voice husky.

**You are gold and silver**

"I…think we should move this upstairs." She says after a while.

"Good idea.' I say, and get up and pick her up in my arms. She giggles and I carry her up to the bedroom. I set her on her bed, and sit down next to her. She nervously bites her lip and looks into my eyes. "We don't have to do anything…" I say in barely a whisper. I don't want to force her into something that she's not ready for. I don't want to be like Kyle's father.

"Ryan, I do…believe me, I do want to…" She says quickly. She looks away and I put my hands on both sides of her face, turning her head so she has to look at me.

"What is it then?" I ask softly.

"It's just…with Kyle's dad…"

"I'm not going to be anything like him." I promise her.

"I know…it's just…that's the only guy I've ever been close to in that way…" She admits, a tear falling down her freckled face. "And I'd understand if you didn't want to be with me after that…"

**I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
And I just can't let you go  
I can't lose this feeling  
**

I shake my head and lean in and silence her with a kiss. I pull back and rest my forehead against hers. "Marissa, that doesn't matter to me….your past relationships with guys don't matter to me. All that matters to me is me and you and whether you want to be with me." I kiss the tip of her nose and wait for the words to kick in.

"So are we really going to do this?" She asks with a small, yet scared smile.

"If you're ready, then I am." I say, letting her know that I'll do anything that she wants.

She nods and leans in to kiss me. This kiss seems different than the ones before; it's filled with more passion and heat than any other kiss we've shared. I push her down onto the bed, and start kissing down her neck, and then back up and connect our lips again. She pulls my shirt over my head and throws it somewhere on the ground near us, and moves her hands up and down my toned chest, sending shivers down my whole body.

I put my hands under her shirt, and lift it up off her head too. I kiss down her body, unclasping her bra and leaving her top half of her body completely naked. Slowly our clothes star to disappear and a pile of clothes is left on the floor. I put on a condom, and then look into her lust filled eyes and ask, "Are you sure about this?"

"Yeah." She says, kissing me deeply.

**A twist of fate makes life worthwhile  
You are gold and silver**

"I love you." I whisper into her ear, nibbling her ear lobe.

She pulls back and puts a finger on my mouth. "Shut up and love me." She says forcefully.

So I do.

**I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
**

…It was like those cartoons you see with the angel on one shoulder and the demon on the other. The Angel was telling me to go for it, and the little demon was telling me that I'd never be happy. I was really listening to the demon too. But then I saw her again, and it was like I lost control of everything. I just wanted to spend more time with her, just wanted to know her, to kiss her. It's weird how fast my heart can be given away to someone, but I'm not saying I'm complaining….

**I said I wasn't gonna lose my head  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
I wasn't gonna fall in love again  
But then pop! Goes my heart  
(Pop! Goes my heart)  
And I just can't let you go**


	11. Chapter 11

Have you ever had a really good dream? You know, you could be dreaming about the perfect life, the perfect house, the perfect kids, the perfect family. You could be a kid and dreaming about candy and dogs or other animals. You could be a dog and dream of dog treats, toys, and playing outside. We all have a good dream every once in a while, and we need to learn how to enjoy them.

I woke up with a naked Marissa sleeping in my arms after our night together. Her hair was messy, and I knew mine probably was too. I watched her for a couple of minutes and then slowly moved out of bed. I put on my boxers and then went into the restroom and brushed my teeth. I then went downstairs and started making me and Marissa some breakfast.

I heard noise upstairs about fifteen minutes later. About five minutes after that Marissa came downstairs dressed in just a robe and it made me ready for another round. She smiled at me and came up to me and put her arms around my neck and kissed me. I ran my hands down her body and then back up again. I pushed her against the counter, and then I decided it would be better if she was on top of it.

I put her up on the counter and we connected our lips again. She wrapped her legs around me, and I slipped my tongue into her mouth. She moaned into my mouth and then pulled back after a couple of minutes. "We don't want a repeat of cooking last night." She said with a large grin on her face.

I turned and saw that the bacon I was making was beginning to burn and I quickly moved it off the stove. I was now basically done with breakfast and I turned to her and said, "Good call."

She giggled and got off the counter, which I was not happy about. I got the plates for us and served both of us. We sat down at the dining room table and started to eat. "So what are we going to do today?" She asked, taking a bite of the eggs.

"I don't know…I was hoping we could you know…stay home…in bed…" I said with a sly smile. "If you don't mind that is…"

She smiled and said, "Believe me, there's nothing I'd rather do, but Kyle's going to come over in a couple of hours and I don't think it would be appropriate." I pouted and she said, "But maybe tonight…when Kyle's asleep…"

"You'd have to be quiet though." I said with a small smile.

"I am not loud." She protested.

"Please, I'm surprised the neighbors didn't come knocking on the door." I said with a chuckle.

She turned red and said, "I...well…"

"You don't have to come up with an explanation, lucky for you, I think it's sexy." I say, reaching for her hand.

She turned even redder and I smile at her. "This is really good." She said, referring to the food.

I could tell that she didn't want to talk about it anymore, so I nodded and said, "Thanks."

"So what do you want to do?" She asked once again when we were finished eating. "I mean, right now…Kyle isn't here…"

"And we have a big bed upstairs calling us to go use it." I said, leaning in close to her ear. She shivers and I start kissing down her neck, and then I pick her up and carry her to the room. I lay her on the bed and kiss her deeply, crawling on top of her. She starts to run her hands through my hair and I moan.

I kiss down her neck, and then move to take off her robe. I throw it on the ground and stare at her body. She's more beautiful than Sadie ever was, and I can't believe that she's mine. I kiss her passionately, feeling my desire grow. She pulls off my boxers and we're both left completely naked on top of the bed. We move to get under the covers and we start kissing some more, over and over again.

She moans loudly when I kiss her chest, and I pull back and say, "See what I mean."

"Shut up." She says breathlessly, connecting our mouths together. I grab the condom and put it on, and was just about to enter her when we hear the phone ring.

"That is the worst timing ever." I say upset.

"I should answer it." She says, reaching for it.

"No, you shouldn't." I say, leaning in and kissing her once again.

She pushes me away and gets the phone. "Hello?" She asks, and she pauses and waits for the other person to finish talking. I lean in and start kissing her neck, and then down her collar bone and to her chest, which makes her lose her breath. "Yeah, in a little bit." She says, trying not to moan. I can feel how me kissing her is making her react, and I continue my exploration of her body with my mouth. "I love you Kyle, bye." She says finally. She pulls my mouth up and connects our lips together hungrily. Then she says, "Now."

I enter her and our bodies rock in unison until we both climax and I collapse onto the space next to her. "That was…" I say breathlessly.

"I know." She says, leaning her head down onto my chest. She kisses it, and I lay back and close my eyes. "I love you." She says softly, looking up at me.

I smile and run one of my hands through her hair. "I love you too."

It was decided that we would go to the park with Kyle, which we were on our way to do. Kyle was talking all about how Seth taught him how to play the play station and they played some pirate game. I turned to Marissa and said, "When am I going to meet Seth by the way?"

"I don't know, soon I guess." she said with a small smile.

"So what did you guys do?" Kyle asked.

I saw Marissa turn red out of the corner of my eye and I laughed to myself. "We ate dinner and then watched a movie." I said casually.

"Really? What did you guys eat?"

"We ate pizza because your mom over here almost burnt the house down." I say with a chuckle. Marissa slaps me on the arm playfully and I say, "I'm driving, you're not supposed to hit someone when they're driving."

"Yeah mommy." Kyle says, agreeing with me. "Or else we'll get into a car crash and all die."

Marissa glared at me playfully and said, "You've brainwashed my son."

"I do my best." I say with a smile. We arrive at the park and Kyle quickly gets out and gets a baseball and our gloves and hands one to me. "Thank you."

"Let's play catch." He says, running off.

"Kyle, not so fast." I yell back. I turn to Marissa and she's smiling at me. "I thought you were mad."

She leans in and kisses me. "How could I be mad at you when you're this good with my son?"

"Ryan, come on!" Kyle yells at me. I smile and kiss Marissa one more time before going to catch up with him. "Finally." he says when I reach him.

We play catch for a little while, and then Kyle decides that we should start hitting the ball. He hits one of them a little farther then usual and I have to run to catch up with it. I find it somewhere near the feet of someone, and I pick it up and look up to be met with someone I never thought I'd see again. "Sadie?" I ask.

"Ryan, it's been a while." She says with a small smile.

"Yeah." I say. Two and a half years actually… "So what are you doing here?" I ask, looking behind her to see a kid in a stroller. "Are you babysitting?"

"No." She says nervously.

"Well, who's the kid then?"

"She's…well, her name's Emma." Sadie says slowly. "Emma Atwood Cambell……"

Ever had that perfect dream? Well I was living the dream. I had the perfect girlfriend, and even though he wasn't mine, I had the perfect kid. I had the great job and I had the life that everyone wanted. The funny things with dreams though is that we forget that the perfect dream sometimes turns into a nightmare….


	12. Chapter 12

You're told things all the time that you believe are true. You get told that the sky is blue and the grass is green. When your parents tell you that you're supposed to do something, you always believed that they were telling you the truth. I mean, you have no reason not to right? Why wouldn't you believe them? Why would you doubt someone that you love so much? You spend your whole life getting told that things are one way.

Sadie stood in front of me, waiting for an answer. "You mean that…." I start, but trail off. "You're saying that she's…"

"She's yours Ryan." Sadie says softly.

"But that's just…." Impossible I wanted to say. I wanted to say that's just impossible…but was it really? Was it impossible for Sadie to be pregnant with my child? It really wasn't.

"It's true Ryan." She said softly again.

"But…you were…you were having an affair.." I say, remembering when I caught her in bed with another guy.

"I found out I was pregnant before that." She admitted.

"But…"

"But what?"

"I don't know anymore." I say. I stare at the baby in the stroller. She's staring at me right now, with wide eyes. "How old…" I say softly.

"She's going to be two next month." Sadie said, reaching into the stroller and picking Emma up.

"Two…wow." I say, not knowing what else is appropriate. Two years is a long time. In two years you can learn how to talk and walk. In two years I've already missed some major milestones. "Two years." I repeat again.

"Look, Ryan, I think we really need to talk…" Sadie started, but was interrupted by a kid's voice behind me.

"Ryan, Ryan!" Kyle said, pulling on my arm. "Come on…you're taking forever!" He said, rolling his eyes. He turned and saw Sadie, and he suddenly became shy.

"Kyle, this is Sadie. She's….an old friend." I say, figuring that's safe enough to say. "Why don't you go find your mom?" I suggest, not taking my eyes off of Emma.

"Okay." Kyle says, and I can sense a small amount of hurt in his voice. I can't deal with that now though…not when my own kid is in front of me.

I hear him walk away and I look up at Sadie who's watching me. "I know that you're probably shocked right now…and I know that it's my fault. I should've told you from the beginning, but you were so mad…I couldn't."

"Do you blame me?" I asked softly. "I caught you having sex with another guy Sadie. That's not something you can easily forgive."

"I know, I know…and I'm sorry. I realize now what an idiot I was to ever hook up with him in the first place."

"Well now is a little late for apologies." I say, swallowing hard. "Are you sure she's mine?" I ask one last time.

"I'm positive. Look at her Ryan, really look at her." Sadie says, holding Emma so I have a clear sight of her. I stare at her face, and then look down and see her small body and small hands. She's slightly smaller than other two year olds, but every bit as cute. I look up at her face again and see that she's got blonde hair that goes a little past her shoulders and I see that she has Sadie's smile.

"Ryan, Kyle said…" Marissa started, and I could already tell without looking that she was staring at Sadie and then at Emma.

"Marissa, this is Sadie." I say, still not looking at her. My eyes stayed glued to Emma. "Sadie, this is my girlfriend Marissa."

If Sadie seemed surprised, she sure didn't show it. "It's nice to meet you Marissa." Sadie said politely.

"It's nice to meet you too Sadie." Marissa said, hanging onto my arm possessively.

"Ryan says that him and Sadie are old friends." Kyle said sadly.

"It's nice to meet you Sadie…but Ryan and I really need to be leaving." Marissa stated without my approval. I looked over at her and saw that she was trying her best to be polite but obviously saw Sadie as a threat.

I turned back to Sadie who was nodding her head sadly and asked, "Do you still have the same cell phone number?"

"Yeah…why?"

"We have a lot that we have to discuss…alone." I said, avoiding Marissa's gaze. "I'll call you later…maybe even tomorrow….but I'll call you." I look at Marissa without emotion and say, "Let's go."

"But I wanted…" Kyle started.

"I said we're going." I said with an edginess in my voice. I surprised myself with my tone because I'd never talked to Kyle that way before.

I started walking back to the car, not looking at Marissa or Kyle. When we reached the car, I put the equipment we'd been using in the back and started the car. "Maybe we should skip going out to lunch and just go home." Marissa suggested.

"Fine by me." I said quietly.

The whole car ride home I never noticed Kyle crying softly in the back seat.

"What the hell was that about?" Marissa asked in an angry whisper.

"What?" I asked, not showing emotion.

"The whole thing with Kyle. He's upstairs crying in his room because he thinks you don't like him anymore." She sighed and sat down. "You've never been like that with him before. Is this what you're really like? Were these past couple of months just sucking up and now you're letting out the real Ryan Atwood?"

"I'm the same as I was yesterday." I start to say angrily. "But I'm just under a lot of stress right now."

"About what…seeing your ex girlfriend? Are you doubting us?"

"I never said I was." I say, getting up off the couch and pacing around.

"Well what's so damn stressful?" She asked, still angry but careful not to raise her voice. "Tell me. What is so stressful that you basically yell at Kyle for no reason?"

"I just found out that I'm a father!" I end up saying louder than I meant to. "I just found out that I'm a freaking father and all you can do is sit here and be selfish and think this actually has something to do with me not loving you! Not everything is about you!"

I start to walk upstairs and Marissa asks, "Where are you going?"

"To apologize." I say softly, looking back at her. "He doesn't deserve my anger."

When I reach Kyle's room, I stand outside the closed door for a couple of seconds, listening to hear Kyle's sobs. I feel horrible already and sigh. I open the door and Kyle's there on his bed with his head on the pillow and I can see his body shaking because of the sobs. "Hey." I say softly.

"I'm sorry." Kyle says while crying.

"For what?" I ask, walking further into the room.

"I made you mad…I don't want to make you mad. I'm sorry…" He said, wiping his eyes.

I walked over and sat on the edge of his bed and put an arm on his back. "No, you have no reason to be sorry. I'm sorry…I just took things out on you, and you don't deserve that."

He scoots closer to me and I put my arms around him in a hug. "I don't like you getting mad at me." Kyle says against my side.

"I don't like getting mad at you. I'm sorry…can you forgive me?" I ask softly. He nods and I say, "Good, I'm glad. What would I do if I had my best buddy mad at me?"

"Find a new one?"

"I could never find someone as cool as you though." I say with a smile.

"Really?" Kyle asks, looking up at me.

"Never. No one can replace you." I say, ruffling his hair. "So are we cool?"

"Yeah." Kyle said with a smile. "Can we go back to the park sometime?"

"There's nothing I'd rather do." I say honestly. "I have to go talk your mom though okay." I say, starting to get up.

"Okay." Kyle says.

"I want you to stay in your room for a little while…watch T.V. or something."

I walked out of his room, gently shutting the door behind me. I was met by Marissa in the hallway, staring at me with tears streaming down her face. "I am not selfish."

I sigh and say, "Can we do this somewhere else?"

She walks into her room and waits for me to join her. I do and she closes the door behind us and locks it. "I am not selfish." She repeats angrily.

"I know, I'm sorry." I say with a sigh. "I just have so much on my mind and it's hard to have to deal with you and Kyle when I have to deal with Sadie and Emma."

"First off, you should never have to deal with me and Kyle. You should want to be with us, not be forced to be with us. You can leave whenever the hell you want." She took in a deep breath and then said, "Secondly…you don't have to deal with Sadie and Emma either."

"Okay, I'm going to only talk about those subjects one at a time." I say and then swallow. "Okay, look…I don't deal with you and Kyle. I love spending time with you guys. I love waking up next to you in the morning and going to sleep staring at you at night. I love watching Kyle play and love spending time with him. I don't deal with you guys…all the time anyways." I sigh and put my face in my hands and then say. "I was just under a lot of stress earlier as I said and it's hard to have someone expect you to be happy and cheerful when there's this big thing going on."

I wait for Marissa's reaction, and she stands by the door for a long time, probably playing the words over and over in her head. "Okay, I can understand that." She said softly, walking towards me and sitting on the bed. She put her arms around me and said, "I love you…and I just can't stand to see you mad at me and Kyle."

"I know." I say softly. "And about not dealing with Sadie and Emma…I kind of do. That's my child, and I don't believe in not seeing my child now that I know about her." I looked into Marissa's eyes and leaned in to kiss her.

She pushed me onto the bed and got on top of me. She started unbuttoning my shirt and I felt her hands go over my chest. "What if Emma isn't yours?" She asked, leaning in to kiss me again. She pulled back and asked, "What if Sadie's lying."

"She's mine." I say, kissing her again. I run my hand through her hair and bring her face closer to me.

"Get a paternity test." Marissa said in between kisses. "It'll prove that she's wrong."

I pulled back then, not able to do this anymore. All I could think about was Emma staring back at me. I pushed Marissa gently off of me and stood up and buttoned my shirt. "I could get that paternity test." I start to say. "But I already know what the results will be."

"How?" Marissa asks bewildered.

I finish the last button and go to the door and unlock it. "She has my eyes." I state, and then walk out of the room and out of the house. I can't deal with this right now, I can't pretend like things are the same when they're not.

They'll never be the same again.

Like I said earlier, you get told things all the time. But what if you go to bed at night and know that the sky is blue but wake up and are told that the sky is not blue, it's red? What if you're then told that grass is blue and a tree's bark is in fact green? That's how I feel. I wake up one morning and find that the world I knew was wrong and there's nothing I can do to change it.


	13. Chapter 13

After I leave Marissa's house I just get into the car and drive. I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going, but the next thing I know I'm in front of Sadie's apartment. I sigh and raise my hand and knock on the door. It takes a minute or two, but soon she answers the door, breathless and worn out. She stares at me for a while before blinking fast and saying, "Oh, right, come in."

As if being here isn't enough, to my surprise and probably to yours too, I actually walk into the apartment and she closes the door behind me. I observe the apartment, which had changed so much since the last time I'd been here. Where it used to be clean and tidy, now there were toys scattered everywhere and dirty dishes on the coffee table. I can see the kitchen from where I'm standing and I see that it isn't much better. "Nice place." I say after a while, even though we both know that it isn't.

She laughs softly and seems to relax a little bit. "Not exactly the cleanest place, but it's kin do hard to keep up with the cleaning you know?" She says, and I nod even though I don't know and she continues. "I mean, I hardly ever get a free moment to myself and when Emma does go to sleep I'm so exhausted that I use the opportunity to sleep also so it's hard to keep the house clean."

I don't say anything for a while but then I blurt, "Well maybe I could help sometime you know? I could watch Emma or come over here or something."

She looks at me and then asks, "What about Marissa? I'm sure she wouldn't be too pleased with that."

"Marissa isn't too pleased with me at the moment." I say honestly, picking up a couple of toys and placing them in the blue plastic container that was against one of the walls. I didn't know why I was cleaning up, out of old habit maybe, but I did. I picked up the dishes that were on the coffee table and took them to the kitchen. "I mean, this whole thing has been kind of hard on her…on us."

Sadie nodded and followed me. "You know, you don't have to clean up around here….and you don't have to be a part of Emma's life if you don't want to. No one's making you do anything here. It's all up to you and Marissa."

"You could use the help with the dishes…and whether Marissa likes it or not I have a daughter." I turn on the faucet and fill up the sink with water so that the dishes can soak before I was them. "I have a living, breathing daughter." I say softly before looking up from the sink and look at her. "And she's going to have to deal with that if she wants to be a part of my life." Sadie didn't say anything and I didn't either, just washed the dishes. After I was done, I turned to her and asked, "Where is Emma anyways?"

Sadie nodded towards her room and said, "Asleep." She must have seen how I kept glancing at the room and she said, "You can go and see her if you want."

I take a slow step towards Sadie's room and then look back at her and see that she's watching me intently. I turn back in the direction of the room and walk towards the room, faster this time. When I reach the doorway, I see Emma sleeping in a crib and walk towards her, careful not to make a lot of noise. I sit on the edge of Sadie's bed and just watch her for a while. I get a better look at her than I did earlier and can see that she has my hair. I stand up and walk over her and see that she has Sadie's face structure. I run my hand softly over her face and feel her soft and smooth skin. I quietly whisper, "Hey Emma. You don't know me personally yet, but I'm your daddy." The words make me choke up and I look up to see Sadie watching me with a smile on her face. "Does she know about me?" I ask quietly.

We walk out of the room and she nods. "Yeah, she does. I show her your picture every once in a while. Her second word was, 'dada.' That's why she was watching you so intently at the park. She already knows that you're important."

"I can't believe that I'm a father." I say softly, sitting on the couch in the living room. "I can't believe any of this."

"I couldn't either, but you get used to it." She sighed and then said, "What exactly do you plan on doing Ryan? Are you going to be one of those fathers that visits once a month and then just leaves? I don't need your child support….we've been doing just fine."

"I want to know her." I say defensively. "Is that too much to ask? Sorry I wasn't here for the past two years, but I didn't know."

She sighed and said, "I know, and I said I was sorry."

"I missed out on so much Sadie." I say sadly. "So much. You know I would've been here in a heartbeat if I knew about her."

"I know, don't you think that I think about that everyday?" She looks away from me and says, "I always think of what could've been between us if I hadn't slept with someone else."

I don't say anything for a while but then I finally say, "It's too late now though. I have Marissa, and I don't plan on leaving her."

She looks at me sadly and then asks, "You love her huh?"

"More than anything." I say with a small smile. I start to remember our night that we shared together and I smile inwardly to myself. "I've never met someone like her before."

"How did you two meet?" Sadie asked, pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them.

"I went to this coffee shop and she was my waitress. There was something about her that drew me to her. I can't explain it. I tried to ignore her, I didn't want a relationship at the time, but she got off her shift and came and sat next to me. She said I was funny…which you and I both know I'm not." I look at her and see that she's laughing and nodding. "She tells me about how I just sat there with my puzzle and ignore her and I hadn't even gotten a piece….and tells me that puzzles are easy because they have all the answers in front of you. She walks away and tells me bye, and uses my name…which I'd never told her. I knew from that moment on that I was hooked." I smile back at the memory.

"And you guys are serious?" She asks.

"Yeah, we kind of are." I say.

"Well I'm happy for you. After everything…you deserve to be happy."

"Thanks." I say softly. I look down at my hands and then say, "You know what, I think I should probably go."

"That would be a good idea." Sadie said, getting up off the couch.

"I…" I start. I wanted to say that I'd like to see Emma some other time, but I just couldn't find the words.

"Tomorrow I have to go shopping with my mom. Do you think you can handle taking care of Emma?" She asked, reading my mind.

I smile and nod. "Yeah, yeah I think I'll like that."

"Good, so tomorrow….say noon?" She asked, walking me to the door.

"Noon it is." I say happily. I walk away with a smile on my face. It quickly vanishes though when I think of how I left Marissa. I pick up my phone and call that house when I hear Kyle answer.

"Hello?" His childish voice asks.

"Hey, buddy."

"Ryan! Why did you just leave?"

"It's kind of a long story. Is your mom there?"

"No, she said that she had to go to work for a little bit."

"I thought she was off." I say confusedly.

"She says her boss told her to come."

"Oh, well, are you there with Summer?"

"Yes."

"Can you put her on please?"

"Okay." I hear him call for Summer in the background and soon I hear him give her the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Ryan."

"I can't believe you had the nerve to just walk out like that." Summer said angrily. "You really hurt her."

"That's kind of why I'm calling. Do you know where she is?"

"She's at work…but I'm sure Kyle told you that."

"Yeah, but do you know why? I thought she was off."

"She was, but her boss called and asked her if she could take over someone's shift and since you left, she decided to do it."

"Look, I know you're mad at me for leaving her….and I know I hurt her…but I'm going to make this all right."

"Whatever, just go talk to her." Summer said before hanging up on me. I sighed, knowing that I'd hurt Marissa by leaving, but also knowing that I had needed to leave.

I went to the coffee shop and sat in the same table that I did the first time we met so that I could make sure that she came to me. I waited for a little while before I finally saw her walk up to me with her apron on and her little notepad in her hand. She didn't look up, so she didn't see that it was me. "What can I get for you?" She asked dully.

"Um, let's see…I'd like it if you let me talk to you?" He said, causing her to look up by the sound of his voice. "And maybe a coffee?"

"What are you doing here?" She asked.

"I'm here to see you." I say softly. "Now can you take a break?"

"Only a couple of minutes." She said, looking around to see that it was mostly empty and sits down in the chair across from me. "What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you about this. I didn't know that I had a daughter yesterday…and then suddenly I have one. I had a lot on my mind and the paternity test thing wasn't really helping me at all."

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

I put a hand on hers and say, "You don't need to be. I shouldn't have just walked out like that." I give her a small smile and say, "But I promise I won't do it again."

"Okay." She says with a smile. Her smile fades though and she says, "I guess I just can't see you having your own kid. With Kyle you're so good…and I guess I always thought that the only other child you'd have would be one that we have together." She looks away shyly and I grin.

"Well, I have a daughter named Emma, and there's nothing I can do about that." I turn her head so she has to look at me and say, "But I also love the thought of having a child with you someday." I lean in and kiss her sweetly and when I pull back I say, "I need you right now to be on my side. I'm going through a lot right now, and I could really use my girlfriend's support through all of this."

She smiled at me and said, "You have my support through everything." She takes both of my hands and laces our fingers together and then says, "Whatever comes our way, I'll be there for you through it all."

"I love you." I say, leaning in to kiss her. It's a short but sweet kiss because her boss tells her to get back to work.

"I guess the break is over." She says, getting up. I pull her down onto my lap in the chair though and kiss her tenderly. When I pull back, she's flustered and breathless. "I'll see you later."

She walks away and I feel my smile widen. I know now that no matter what happens with Sadie and Emma, that I'll always have her right there beside me through good times and bad. I just can't wait for tomorrow to come so I can see Emma again now that I know that Marissa should be okay with it. As I leave the shop, I glance back at Marissa and see her working. I smile to myself, finally feeling at peace with the fact that I have a child.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N Again, I am writing short chapters while I can still post on here. I haven't gotten a confirmation for when the computer is getting unplugged yet, but I'm not going to remind my grandma and ask. So I shall take advantage.**

Spending time with Emma and everything seemed like a really good idea. I figured we'd bond, she'd get to know me, I'd get to know her, things would be great right? Wrong. What I didn't figure into this whole situation was the fact that I'd never taken care of a two year old before and really didn't know what to do. So about half an hour after picking Emma up, we're both sitting in my apartment on my couch, staring at each other. I swear, I have no idea how Marissa does this, or did this, when Kyle was smaller.

"So Emma..." I say. I don't know why I trail off, but I do. She's gonna be two, she probably doesn't know how to hold that big of a conversation.

"Dada?" She asks, and that alone makes me smile.

"Yeah, I'm your dada." I say.

"Why no come see me?" She asks. For almost two, she's pretty damn smart.

"I..." I say, but I don't know how to finish. She gives me an accusing look and I swear she's the smartest two year old I know. "I'm here now."

She smiles and says, "Yes."

"Does your mom talk about me?" I ask, though I really don't know why.

"Mommy talk all the time." She says with a nod.

"What does she say?" I ask, suddenly intrigued.

"She says, 'dada's a good guy, mommy messed up bad.'" Emma looks at me and asked, "What did mommy do?"

I hesitate and then said, "Mommy made a mistake, but everyone makes mistakes right?"

"uh huh."

"So, what do you want to do?" I ask, becoming a little more comfortable around her.

"Barney!" She says excitedly.

"Barney huh?" I ask, turning on the TV. I flip through the channels and before long I see the purple dinosaur come on.

She leans back in the couch and starts watching it intently. I watch her and smile to myself, thinking that maybe this whole taking care of a kid thing isn't so bad after all. After a while the phone rings and I answer it. "Hello?"

"Hey, it's me." Marissa says, and I smile.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I was just going to ask you the same thing."

I look at Emma and say, "I'm watching Barney with Emma at the moment."

She laughed and said, "How's that going for you?"

"Pretty good actually. Who knew that the purple dinosaur could be so entertaining?"

She laughed once again and then said, "Well if you want some help or something, I'm home for the day."

"Thanks, I may take you up on that offer." I saw that the episode was nearing an end and said, "I have to go, but I'll probably go by in a little bit."

"Okay, I love you." She said the last part kind of shyly.

I smiled and said, "I love you too." I hang up the phone and look to see Emma watching me now. "So, do you want to go to Marissa's house?"

She looks at me with confusion and asks, "Rissa?"

"Close enough." I say with a smile.

This parent thing isn't too bad after all.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N I am allowed on the computer for a little while right now, so here's a chapter.**

I drive to Marissa's house shortly after Barney is over and Emma looks at me like she's scared. When we walk up to the front door and I ring the doorbell, Emma starts clinging onto my hand as if I'm going to protect her from something really evil. I find it strange that she's so sure that I'll protect her even though I've known her for maybe two days at the most. When Marissa opens the door and smiles at us, I give her a look and it's like she reads my mind and knows what's going on. She crouches down closer to Emma's height and says, "Hi, Emma, I'm Marissa…your dad's girlfriend."

Emma looks from me to Marissa and then shyly says, "Hi." She scoots a little closer to me and I pick her up in my arms.

"Hey." He say softly to Marissa, pecking her on the lips, but wanting to do so much more with her at the moment. "I hope we're not intruding." I say, walking into the house.

Marissa shakes her head and says, "Of course not. I'm the one that invited you remember?"

Just then Kyle comes running down the stairs. He sees me and smiles excitedly and runs to hug me, but then sees Emma. He looks from her to me and then asks, "Who's that?"

I set Emma down and say, "Kyle, this is Emma…my daughter." I smile slightly, proud to be able to say that. Kyle stares at Emma for a long time and Emma stares at Kyle. "Emma, this is Kyle…Marissa's son."

Emma politely, and cutely if you ask me, holds out her tiny hand for Kyle to shake. "Hi Kyle." She says.

Kyle just stares at her and then runs up the stairs. Marissa looks after him and then turns to me. "I'll be right back." She says, and then goes after Kyle.

"What I do?" Emma asks, and I know that at that moment, I love this little girl.

I smile and crouch down next to her. "Nothing, you were a very good girl." She gives me a proud grin and then I say, "How about you play with some of your toys you brought over?"

"Okay." She says, grabbing the bag that I was holding that had tons of dolls, stuffed animals, and movies in it. She walked over to a corner in the living room and started to play with her toys. I went and sat on the couch, waiting for Marissa to come back downstairs.

After a while she did finally come back down, but Kyle wasn't with her. She gave me a tired look and I got up and walked with her over to the kitchen so we could talk alone. "He won't come downstairs as long as she's here."

"I guess this will all take a little getting used to." I said with a sigh. She was leaning against a counter and I put my hands on either side of her and leaned in and kissed her softly. When I pulled back, we were both smiling. "I thought I'd give you a proper greeting." I say.

"Well, I like your greetings." she says, leaning in to kiss me again. She wraps her arms around my neck, and I lean her further back onto the counter. Our lips move against each others, and soon, she's on top of the counter and my hands are starting to travel underneath her shirt. Suddenly I hear a noise and turn around to see Kyle next to Emma.

"What you guys doing?" Emma asks, eyeing us suspiciously.

Kyle rolls his eyes and walks past her. "Kissing, and they do it a lot."

Me and Marissa blush and she gets off the counter. Emma shakes her head and says, "Eew.."

Kyle nods and says, "I agree." He turns to Marissa and asks, "What's for lunch?"

Marissa gets busy making lunch for everyone and I walk with Emma to the other room. "So you and Kyle are getting along?" I ask.

She shrugs and says, "He came down the stairs and I went after him to find you."

"Well what did you need me for?" I ask, following her to her corner.

She lifts up a Ken doll and says, "You play the boy."

"You expect me to play dolls with you?" I ask with a raise of my eyebrow. "I don't do toys…"

"Yes." She says, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Well what if I don't want to?" I question, even though we both probably know that I would love to spend time with her.

She gives me a puppy dog look and asks, "Pwease?"

I sigh and take the Ken doll from her. "Just this one time…and Marissa can never find out."

She smiles and says, "Okay."

We get to playing, and I get really into it too. I get so into it, that I never notice Marissa behind me watching with a smirk. "Wow, I didn't know Ryan Atwood played with dolls."

I immediately drop the doll and turn around to look at her. "I don't…I was just…"

"Dada play Ken, I play Barbie." Emma says with a nod of her head. I glare at her and she asks, "What?"

"Marissa wasn't supposed to find out remember?" I ask with a raise of my eyebrows.

She shrugs and says, "Oh well."

Marissa starts laughing and helps me to my feet. "Emma, there's some food in the kitchen." She says and Emma goes to the kitchen where Kyle is already at the table eating, leaving me and Marissa all alone. "Dolls huh?" She asks, smirking at me. She wraps her arms around my neck and stares into my eyes.

"Well she wanted to play…" I start, but I'm stopped by her kissing me gently on the lips.

When she pulls back she says, "I happen to love a man with many talents."

"Well I happen to love you." I say, grinning at her.

"That's good to know." She says, kissing me again. We stand there for a while in each other's arms, just kissing and showing how much we love each other without things getting too heated. But all good things are interrupted, this time by my cell phone.

When I answer, it's Sadie saying that she's ready to pick up Emma. I give her the directions to Marissa's house and then hang up, a little disappointed that my fun time with Emma has to end so soon. Marissa holds my hand and says, "You can always pick her up again."

"I know, it's just…I was having so much fun with her." I say sadly. I look into her eyes and say, "Thanks though."

"For what?" She asks with a small smile.

"For helping me. For being here…" I say.

"I live here." She says with a giggle.

"You know what I mean." I say, kissing her softly. I pull back and then say, "I'm going to go get Emma ready." I walk out of the living room and to the kitchen where she's just finishing her food. "Mommy called and she's on her way." I say sadly.

She gets up and walks to me and takes my hand. "I don't wanna go." She says, just as sad as I am.

"I know, I don't want you to go either, but your mommy misses you." I say, picking her up.

She looks at me and says, "Come by again kay?"

I smile and say, "Of course I will."

She smiles too and we go pick up her dolls. Marissa watches us, and when the doorbell rings, she's the one that answers it. I turn to Emma and say, "See you soon?"

Emma walks up to me and gives me a hug, and I hug her back. "Kay." She says, and then walks towards Sadie. Me and Sadie just share a look, but don't say anything.

I turn to Marissa who's watching me and then say, "I need to go talk to Kyle."

I find him in his room. While I was saying goodbye to Emma, I guess he must have snuck back upstairs. I see him throwing a baseball up and down, playing catch with himself. I smile because I realize that I used to do the same thing when I was his age. Even though he isn't my biological son, I still see him as a part of me, and it makes me really happy to know that he has a habit that I do. "Hey, can I talk to you?" I ask, walking into his room.

He looks at me and shrugs. "I guess."

I sit on the edge of his bed and then say, "So you met Emma."

"yeah." He says, not looking at me.

"It's all new to me…having her…" I say, trying to see that I didn't plan for this to happen.

"Okay." He says.

"Are you okay with it?" I ask, hoping he is.

"I guess." He says. He catches the ball one last time and then looks at me and asks, "Are you her daddy?"

I nod and say, "Yeah."

He suddenly gets shy and then says, "I never really had a daddy.."

"I know." I say, feeling sorry for him.

He nods and then says, "Can you maybe be mine…"

My heart melts at his question, and I say, "Well…would you want me to be?"

He nods and says, "Today with Emma…you got to be her daddy…and I just thought that it would be cool if you could be mine…."

I take in a breath and then say, "come here." He comes to me and I give him a hug, much like a father would to his child. "I love you and your mom a lot." I start, and I know he knows that it's true. "And I'd love to be your dad, and someday I will be. I'll make sure of that okay." I say, kissing the top of his head softly, loving that I can feel this comfortable with him. "Because someday…we'll be a real family."

"Okay." Kyle says, pleased with my answer.

Marissa comes into the room and sees us hugging and she gets tears in her eyes. "Um…Kyle…I think you should go pick up your toys from the backyard. It's supposed to rain." Kyle does what he's told and I walk towards Marissa. "What was all that about?" She asks, leading me to the bedroom.

I close and lock the door behind us. "We were just talking." I say, not wanting to tell her what we were talking about.

"Oh, okay." She says, not pressing any further.

I get onto the bed and pull her down with me. She rests her head on my chest and I run a hand through her hair. "I don't know how you do it." I say softly.

"Do what?" She asks, looking up at me.

"I don't know how you can be a single mom." I say.

She shakes her head and says, "You're forgetting that I'm not a single mom anymore."

I smile and say, "I plan to keep it that way."

She smiles back at me and I kiss her ever so softly. Soon though, the passion gets in the way and the kiss begins to get heated. I roll us over so I'm on top and kiss her deeply, sliding my tongue into her mouth. I cup her cheek tenderly with one hand and hold myself up with the other so my weight isn't all pressed onto her. She lets out a small moan in my mouth, and I pull apart. "What?" She asks, breathless from the kiss.

"Kyle's going to be coming in soon…I don't think we should go any further." I say, even though I want so badly to make love to Marissa.

She sighs and says, "That's probably smart." We just lay there for a while and then she says, "Well…we could make it quick."

I grin at her words and say, "I think I can manage that."

She smiles too, and takes off my shirt. "We don't want to get your shirt all sweaty." She says, throwing it on the ground. I lean in and kiss her, silencing her, and we continue to shred off each other's clothes, not really caring where they end up at the moment. I turn on Marissa's TV so Kyle can't hear her moans and kiss her deeply, roaming her mouth with my tongue once again. She grabs the condom from a drawer next to her bed and puts it on me, and then we become one and totally forget about the rest of the world. For now it is just me and Marissa, and our love for each other.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N Sorry it took so long. I'm going to change my member name to chinocoop81. There have been some problems and I need to change it quickly.**

Birthday parties. Everyone, well, kids really, love them. It's the one time of year where everyone comes to honor you and you alone. You have pizza or burgars or something along those lines with cake and candy usually. You get to open tons of presents and get to see tons of people and it's a great time. Well, it can be anyways.

My memories of birthday parties are limited and when there were birthday parties, I usually got a small toy car from my mom and maybe a ten dollar bill from someone else which my mom would end up taking from me when everyone left. And then of course after the party I had to clean up all the mess even though it wasn't too fun to begin with. I had learned to hate birthday parties...at least my own anyways.

Kyle's birthday party was on Saturday at Marissa's house starting at one and he was really excited about it. He kept telling me all about it that it was going to be a Spongebob party and that Summer and Seth were coming and that it was going to be a great time. I just smiled at his excitiment and let him ramble on and on about it but what I was really doing was watching Marissa cook breakfast.

I had stayed the night again at her house the night before...something that I did basically everynight now. I watched her make the eggs and bacon and toast and how she moved about the kitchen with graceful steps even though she to be honest was not the best cook in the world. In my mind I think about when she attempted to make dinner the first night that we made love and have to try not to laugh so it doesn't look like I'm not paying attention to Kyle.

Kyle tells me he's going to go upstairs and play and I promise that later in the day I'll play with him. He runs upstairs and I stand up from my chair and walk over to Marissa who has her back turned to me. I put my arms around her and she leans back into me, smiling. "Hey." I say, kissing her neck softly. "I didn't know you could cook."

"I can cook when there aren't any distractions." She says, turning around to face me. "And you Mr. Atwood are quite the distraction sometimes."

"I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or a bad thing." I say with a smile.

She kisses me and says, "Compliment, defintley."

I smile and pull back. "I love waking up to you and Kyle every morning." I say with my arms around her. "It feels like I belong with you guys."

She is quiet for a while and then says, "Well...what if we could make it permanent?"

I pull back slightly to look into her eyes and ask, "What do you mean?"

She takes in a deep breath and looks down before saying, "Why don't you move in with us?"

She avoids my gaze and can't see how big my smile is. "Are you serious?" I ask.

She nods and still won't look at me. "Yeah, I mean if you want to..."

I lift her chin to look into my eyes and kiss her with such a passion that I have to make sure to hold tight onto her or else she'll fall to the floor because her legs gave way. When I pull back, both of us are breathless and I say, "I'd love to move in with you and Kyle."

She smiles widely at me and asks, "Really?"

I nod and kiss her once more before saying, "I already spend most of my free time over here...and I know that Emma loves it here too."

She nods and turns back to the food before it burns but says, "Then it's settled. You'll move in...today maybe?"

"Someone's in a rush." I tease.

She nods and says, "I want you here as fast as possible." She turns and faces me and says, "That way I know you won't change your mind."

I shake my head and say, "I could never change my mind about this. I love you and I want to spend all my time with you."

She smiles and says, "Good, because I love you too."

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Marissa decided that she'd wanted to help me pack up my things. I told her she didn't have to, but she insisted on it. I saw the real reason why she wanted to help in her eyes, she wanted to make sure I didn't try to back out of it. She thought I could actually leave her, which is far from the truth. Kyle and her are my family, they're who I love. I can't just walk away from them. But either way, she decided that she wanted to come and help me pack so who am I to object? She called Summer to watch Kyle after explaining what was going on. Summer of course was more than happy for us.

"I cannot believe this!" Summer said, hugging Marissa tightly.

Marissa gave me a 'help me' look and I just laughed and put my arm around her, pulling her to me instead of to Summer. I turned to Summer and asked, "and why is this so unbelievable? Did you not think I loved her or something?"

Summer shook her head and said, "I could see it in your eyes that you loved her…but Coop here has never been much of a commitment kind of person."

I look at Marissa who is glaring at Summer and say, "Really?"

Summer nods, oblivious to Marissa's glares and says, "Yep, see, ever since the…incident….she's had trust issues."

I can't believe that this is Marissa….my Marissa. She was the one who was confident in front of me, she was the one who asked me to spend the night. She's the one who asked me to move in. "I somehow cannot believe that." I say, looking at Marissa.

She looks at me and shrugs. "You seemed different." She said softly. She looked into my eyes and said, "You were just as lost as I was…and I guess that was enough to make me finally make a move."

I smile and say, "I'm glad you did."

We stare at each other, looking into each other's eyes, blue on blue. We stare at each other as if we're in our own little world, which at the moment we are. Well, we were until Summer clears her throat. "Yeah, sorry to interrupt your little moment…but it's going to get late and you guys have an apartment to pack."

Me and Marissa thank her for watching Kyle and then head off to my apartment. On the way there, we talk about meaningless stuff like weather and stuff, holding hands and laughing and having fun. When we arrive, I unlock the door and we go inside. I take her to my bedroom and open my closet and say, "This is where a lot of the stuff is going to come from. I have all my clothes, pictures, and random stuff in here."

She looks at me and smirks, "Pictures?" She asks, walking into my closet. It isn't really big, but there are tons of old boxes and clothes and frames and all kinds of stuff. She picks up a frame that has me with Sadie and says, "You looked happy."

I look at the picture and see myself smiling, arm around Sadie. "I thought I was." I say softly, taking the picture from her. I examine it and then take the picture out and walk out of the room. Marissa eyes me weirdly and follows me. I reach into my nightstand drawer and pull out another picture and put it in the frame. I show Marissa the picture and say, "That's a time when I knew I was truly happy."

She looks at the picture and smiles at it, running her thumb over it. Then she sets it on my bed and I look at it. It's me and her with our arms around each other, kissing. Kyle had found a disposable camera and was taking lots of pictures that day. We happened to catch his eye and he took our picture. Marissa smiled and said, "I like this picture." She gets the one with Sadie and looks at it, placing it next to the one of us. "You look different." She says.

"How?" I ask, looking. "You don't even see my eyes."

"But you can tell in the way you hold yourself, there's something that has changed about you." She says, still looking at the picture.

I smile at her and put my arms around her. She looks into my eyes and puts her arms around my neck. "That's because I was finally in love." I kiss her softly and then pull back and say, "With Sadie…I always loved her." I kissed Marissa again, longer and slower this time and then pull back and rest my forehead on hers. "But you see…it was only with you that I finally felt what it was like to be 'in' love with someone."

I kiss her deeply and tenderly, taking her by surprise. She kisses me back, and I run my hands through her hair and move the pictures to the nightstand and lay her on my bed. I climb on top of her, and start kissing down her neck, sucking, biting, and messing with her soft skin. She moans and says, "You know…" She lifts my head so I can look into her eyes and says, "I haven't really been in your apartment before."

I sigh and say, "I know…I'm sorry…"

She smiles and says, "Well, I was thinking…since I've never been here…we haven't really been together in this bed." She raises her eyebrows suggestively and I begin to understand what she's saying, getting more turned on by the second. "And well…you're moving in with me so I think this is our last chance to make a memory here."

I kiss her long and slow with such high passion, I'm almost sure I'll come right there. I pull back and gulp before saying, "Well, we really need to work on that won't we."

She nods and says, "Yep, I think so."

I kiss her again, and run my hands under her shirt and take it off and throw it to the floor. I kiss down her neck, to her chest and unclasp her bra and kiss both of her breasts, making her moan with pleasure. I continue kissing down her body, taking off the rest of her clothes. She pulls me back up her body and rejoins our mouths and takes off my shirt and wife beater. She runs her hands over my chest and then unbuttons my pants. I'm left in just my boxers and you can just how badly I want her at that moment.

She smiles and kisses me and then kisses down my neck, sucking on my neck, driving me crazy. I run my hands all over her body, touching her in the places I know that make her go crazy and she slides her hands into my boxers and then pulls them back out teasingly. I groan and she smirks and takes them off of me. I grab a condom and put it on and then she looks at me and I begin to position myself to enter her, but she puts a hand on my chest and pushes me off. "I can't do this." She states.

I look at her weirdly and ask, "Why?"

She grins and climbs on top of me. "I want to be on top." She says, and kisses me, and at that moment I let myself get lost in her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A couple of hours and a lot of packing and some fooling around….well, a lot of fooling around, my apartment was pretty much packed up. Marissa and I lay in my bed which we decided to pack up last. Her head was rested on my chest and her hand was making little circles on my chest. I smiled down at her naked body and couldn't remember ever feeling this happy with anyone but her. I ran a hand through her hair and she looked up at me and smiled. She kissed me sweetly and then said, "Do you know what I love about you?"

I smile and then joke, "My good looks?"

She shook her head and laughed. "No, but that helps." She got serious and looked away. "I love the way you care about everyone." She put her arms around me and used my chest as a pillow. "I love the way you care about me and Kyle…and the way you want to help out Sadie even though she hurt you a while back." I could see her smiling and I ran a hand up and down her back. "I love the way you love Emma already, even though you've just met her. You're such a good dad." She looked up at me and said, "You're perfect."

I shook my head and said, "I'm not perfect." I lean in and kiss her, smiling into the kiss. "You're perfect." I say after we pull back. "You're the best person I've ever met, I just try to keep up."

She smiled widely at me and I could see the way her eyes sparkled, could see the love she had for me in them. Sadie had never looked at me this way. Oh crap Sadie. I quickly get up, making Marissa look at me confusedly. I start putting my clothes back on and she does the same. "I was supposed to pick up Emma like…five minutes ago." I say, looking at my watch. "Crap."

She shook her head and said, "You'll just be a little late, it'll be okay."

I shake my head and put on my shoes. "Sadie's gonna be mad. She always hated when I was late." I see Marissa sort of just standing there awkwardly and say, "Come on, we have to get going."

She raised an eyebrow and asked, "We?"

I nod and say, "Of course, why wouldn't you come?"

She shrugs and looks down and plays with her hands. "I don't know…I just didn't know if you would feel comfortable with me there with you and Sadie…"

I walk over to Marissa and put a finger under her chin so she'll look at me. "There is no me and Sadie." I say with a smile. I kiss her and I feel her melt into me. When I pull back I say, "Sadie and Emma are a part of my life, and you're a part of my life, so it only makes sense that you go and pick up Emma with me."

She smiles and says, "Good." She slips on her shoes and then we're ready to go.

When we arrive at Sadie's apartment, she's really mad. "What took you so long?" She asked, tapping her foot, showing how annoyed she was.

"We were packing up my apartment and we lost track of time." I say, walking into the apartment, Marissa following me. She's clinging to my hand tightly and it makes me smile, knowing she looks to me for comfort. At the same time, it makes me upset that she needs comfort.

Sadie looked at me confusedly. "Packing your apartment?"

"He's moving in with me." Marissa says, speaking up. She looks at Sadie and then at me and smiles just the slightest bit. Then she looks down and sort of makes circles on the floor with her shoes. I squeeze her hand gently and I see her smile.

"Oh." Sadie says, and I can tell she's slightly uncomfortable. "I didn't know you guys were that serious…."

"Well we are." I say, and Marissa looks at me. I smile at her and she smiles back.

Sadie nods and says, "Well Emma's in the room."

I nod and walk towards the room. I see Emma in there with her bag of stuff, sitting patiently on the bed. When she sees me, her eyes light up and it makes my heart melt. She gets off the bed and jumps into my arms. "Daddy!" She says.

"Daddy?" I question.

She nods and says, "Dada sounds like a baby." She wrinkles her face in disgust and says, "And I'm no baby."

I smile and lift her up in my arms. "No you're not." I say, kissing her cheek.

She smiles and returns the favor to me, then puts an arm around my neck and looks over at Marissa. "Hi Rissa." She says with a shy wave.

Marissa smiles and says, "Hi Emma."

Sadie comes into the room and says, "Okay, I'll see you later Em." She kisses Emma on the cheek and says, "Be a good girl for Daddy okay?"

Emma nods and says, "I will mommy."

Sadie smiles at me and says, "Have fun."

I nod and walk out, grabbing Emma's bag. She's going to stay the night with us, something that I'm really happy for. We go into the car and Emma starts talking excitedly. "Guess what Daddy?" She asks as I drive.

"What Em?" I ask.

"My party is Saturday!" She says happily.

"Party?" I ask, looking at her in the rearview mirror. "What party?"

"Birthday party." She says with a roll of her eyes.

"No one ever told me about a birthday party." I say. I look over at Marissa who is looking at me worriedly.

Emma sighed and said, "Saturday at one."

I sigh and try to avoid Marissa's gaze. "Where at?" I ask.

"The park." She says and then starts to ramble on and on about how fun it's going to be. I look at Marissa and can tell she's troubled by the same thing I am. Kyle's birthday's the same time as Emma's.

I always hated birthday parties.


End file.
